Fields of water by Kaitylizzy

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Submission Name: Fields of water dots

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Author:	Kaitylizzy
ASL Info:	20/female/Vermont
Elite Ratio:	8 - 283/169/33
Words:	128

Class/Type:	Poetry/Depressed
Total Views:	336
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	807

Description:

Fields of water dots

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The field is wide with many options,
but to many pull us under.
drowning us in the sea of guilt and temptations
trying despertly to keep your head up
just for a gulp of air
to stay alive a moment longer
you see others that float on top, easily
They succeed at life.
Trying to emulate them only pulls you under
You wish that one might see you
pull you with them,
but that will never happen
It seems easier not to breath
and be pulled under
to where the skeletons and black soals
become your friends
Where the sun's warmth
will never burn your flesh.
But something keeps your head bobbing
and gasping for air
but not much longer
oh, not much longer at all

Submitted on 2004-10-13 14:35:28 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
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||| Comments |||
  Another amazing piece. You are so talented. I expect you to become famous one day. My favorite lines are :

"The field is wide with many options,
but to many pull us under.
drowning us in the sea of guilt and temptations
trying despertly to keep your head up
just for a gulp of air
to stay alive a moment longer
you see others that float on top, easily
They succeed at life.
Trying to emulate them only pulls you under"

Just be yourself and you may stay afloat longer..
| Posted on 2005-04-09 00:00:00 | by longwinterdays | [ Reply to This ]
  Fields of water has a very similar tone to my Sink or Swim, water vs. life, drowning in the vastness rather than look for a refuge to save you.
A great piece, with very interesting ideas. I only wish hope mght be added for safe haven.
| Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
  i understood the message on a very personal level and i think you conveyed your emotions in a very unique way, what with connecting all of it with the water, drowning and the observations. very good.
spelling error: "soals" should be "souls"
| Posted on 2004-10-13 00:00:00 | by aliciaflower04 | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem was pretty good. I did notice that you had misspelled the word "souls" but other than that I wouldn't suggest any changes. This piece made me think. It was nice not to have the emotion thrown at you or as some like to call it "being spoonfed." Oh wait, I do have one more suggestion. I think the ending would sound better if you left off the last 2 words. It just seem to sound better that way. But then again, you don't have to change it.
~Ravenwood
| Posted on 2004-10-13 00:00:00 | by Ravenwood | [ Reply to This ]
  I really made a lot of connections, and i really appreciate writers who, maybe unknowingly but make you think and react in different ways everytime you read a poem, which i did with this. Very depressing but you conveyed it in a very interesting way, your comparisons where also intresting, and other than spelling mistakes, i loved it
| Posted on 2004-10-13 00:00:00 | by Josh | [ Reply to This ]
  My friend your poetic skill comes highly reccomended among others on this site and i can see why. This poem is very creative, thought provoking... It is a beautiful picture of what's in your heart, but please my friend let me give you some personal advice. You see, to want to be those people with their head above water is the same as holding your own head below water. Only when you realize that what's important in life is to be true to yourself, be your own person, and be everything you can be as who you are, then and only then can you rise above whatever it is that keeps you under. You have stop worrying about what they can do and let go what it is you believe you can't do. My friend you can do or be anything, if nothing else this is absolutely true. Anyway, juss a bit of advice. I hope to read more of your work and i'll get on it as soon as possible, but for now i must be go. Take care and i hope to hear from you. Adios! Travis
| Posted on 2004-12-02 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]
  this poem expressed your pain well. although i wouldve changed the word flow. but i think everyone has their own way of writing and this seems to help you get everything out. and its a really good piece of poetry.
| Posted on 2004-10-13 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]

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