Description: this was sparked after a breakup where the relationship lasted for over a year. very personnal and heartfelt, enjoy.
peace kevin
Loving A Moth -------------------------------------------
So you ask
"When will be your next visit?"
and i simply replied
"I don't plan on visiting agian."
his tears were welling up
and he had nowhere to go
those words hurt him
the emptiness was oh too present
yet he did what he had to do
of course under the circumstances
he didn't picture her in a white wedding gown
with a vail over her beautiful smile
no it was over
friends it began
friends shall it end
he didn't want to hurt her
for the pain was too much for the both of them
he had a blank phone tone
that ws still buzzing in his ear
he didn't plan on weeping nor crying till morning
but he did anyway
it was too expected
too much down hill
with not enough uphill
he wanted it to continue
the phone calls, the playfulness and familiar feel of her lips
it came crashing down
he still has those phone calls which he holds onto
as comfort
he will move on
for male eyes wonder
yet that piece of him is held by hands
that will never again hold his own
she won't forget him
nor will he forget her
a single butterfly landed on his ring finger
he held it for enough time to apprieciate its beauty
then it fluttered away like it came
he can remember the feel of its wings
brushing softly against his dry skin
and the radiance of its colorful body
is imprinted on his watery eyelids
he hopes that the beauty will not fade
for he remembers it so vividly
yet he has the feeling that
the butterfly was actually a moth all the long
the beauty he thought he saw
was only what he wanted to see
oh he did love it though
even in its moth-like nature
if all is not true
he knows for sure that it did what moths do best
eat at the fabric of his soul
those threads cannot be replaced
he plans on calling her again
you must keep in touch you know
all goes well
all those feelings are as use to be
friend to friend conversation
all listen and some advice
the tears have dried and his face smiles again
he sings a different song now
and prays a different prayer
but still the same
just with a hole where his heart
use to be
*tears* i know what you were talking about and all i can say is *big hugs* you captured emotion very strongly here and made the reader feel what you are feeling. thats something that not everyone can accomplish good job
Simple, a few errors but thats understandable. Great title that was very fitting for your story. The most moving part was about the moth. It was way full of feeling and it made me sit back and I could actually visualize the beauty in it. Good job!
There are a few misspelled words but not bad. One thing you need to work on a transition from his weeping to the butterfly. it is great but it seems to mislead at first
deep, the feelings that are present within this piece is awesome, i feel a feeling of hurt, pain, suffering and a want feeling... want as in continue to be with the person described in the beginning. line after line, it makes u want to keep reading and it gives a lot of emotions to reflect on... the misspellings didn't really effect me as much as others, but thas cuz i misspell all the time.. don't worry about it... nice work bro, and keep em coming!
You have quite a few misspelled words and grammatical errors in this. Some of the word choice is a bit iffy. But its a sweet poem. Simple language with some cool images. And I didn't get the feeling that this was dragging along the whole while like I sometimes get with long poems.
Submission Name: Loving A Moth
