Memories of You by drkpoet

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Submission Name: Memories of You dots

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Author:	drkpoet
ASL Info:	21/m/NJ
Elite Ratio:	3.04 - 442/527/94
Words:	99

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	392
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	695

Description:
remembering what meh grandpa had told us kids... something just put together... let me know whatcha think... im open for ideas!...

R.I.P Larry Hess (Grandpa) (10-14-92)-- Ur always loved.

Memories of You dots

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bounce,
go on baby
bounce
make your body see the sound.

silence,
go on baby,
close your mouth
we gonna sing a song from deep down south.

listen
go on baby
listen to my sweet words.
listen baby to the song of the birds.

cry
go on baby
cry like you never cried before
use your mind, it'll help you explore.

explore
go on baby
explore your mind
and e'er things gonna be fine.

smile
go on baby
smile the biggest smile
it'd make your tender life worthwhile.

Drkpoet

Submitted on 2004-10-13 22:59:38 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Been away for awhile Brandon, so i am wayyyy behind on reading and commenting. I did read this about a month ago when I was using the library puters while travelling. I just wanted to say that I really liked this- all of it!

The bouncy rhythm here would lend itself to music I think, - it certainly complements the short snapshot memories of the lessons learned from your Grampa.

I like how you distilled each of these lessons into a single word, "bounce", silence, listen,"-and ending with the sagest of all, "smile". Each of these become exhortations, separate stanzas, linked liked bright beads with the repetition of "go on baby" Each of these is simply worded, as you would talk to a child, yet they are the things all parents and grandparents would want their offspring to remember.
By chance or design, I see a progression -the first image of a baby or toddler, bouncing on Grampa's knee, then rocking and dancing to music "make your body see the sound" - was a great line.

Then the "silence", not as in "hush up" so the grown-ups can talk, but so that you can hear his songs. This too is a beautiful image of love and tenderness, it;s like hearing a lullaby.

You continue with your poignant memories, and it becomes clear that these special times with grampa spanned years, and that they are layers of meaning to each of these scenarios. But rather than presenting all these emotions in a long drawn out detailed fashion, you capture attention with your brisk tempo and simple , but loaded imagery and word usage.

The last part -
"smile
go on baby
smile the biggest smile
it'd make your tender life worthwhile"

made me smile, and I can almost see your grampa smiling too.

This is wonderful- don't change anything, -but DO give it a title, it is too precious to go un-named.

This reminds me of a quote ( forget who said it)
"The only thing we take with us when we go, - is what we leave behind" Your Gramps is a wealthy soul, having left so much of himself for you and yours.

Silver

Oh, did you know that if I faved this, and then tried to fave another of your also "untitled", that the second one won't show up because "IT" thinks you already have faves "untitled" by drkpoet.
| Posted on 2004-12-12 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
  WOW, I really enjoyed this peice, Wouldn't change a thing. I'd make your tender life worthwhile,, this was the line that really caught me. Wouldn't change a thing, keep up the good work and i'll keep reading. illusions35959
| Posted on 2004-10-13 00:00:00 | by illusions35959 | [ Reply to This ]
  listen
go on baby
listen to my sweet words.
listen baby to the song of the birds.

cry
go on baby
cry like you never cried before
use your mind, it'll help you explore.

explore
go on baby
explore your mind
and e'er things gonna be fine.

I like these lines but really the last line, because smiling makes your life worthwhile, glad you actually got a chance to let all of this out of your system cause mostly to me your stuff is full of illussions and imagery that trigger a button in someone's heart to skip a beat...very good
| Posted on 2004-10-18 00:00:00 | by Brwnsknsam05 | [ Reply to This ]
  Brandon, Your poetry has come so far in the past year. This is probably one of the best ones you've done. It's concise with it own unique rhythm and form very modern yet I hear the older voice from the deep south. It always seems to me that those grandpas are full of wisdom and advice. Mine were. I don't think I could find anything I'd change unless it would be thing to thang but maybe that's because I'm here in Texas. This ones a Fave but You should title it.
jan
| Posted on 2004-10-29 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]

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