shadow hallucination by mixedemotions00

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Submission Name: shadow hallucination dots

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Author:	mixedemotions00
ASL Info:	21/F/US
Elite Ratio:	6.34 - 561/361/63
Words:	91

Class/Type:	Misc/Dark
Total Views:	384
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	730

Description:
sounds like radiohead lyrics to me. You come to your own conclusion.

shadow hallucination dots

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Writhing,
a multitude of worms
stuffed in boxes
stacked on top of one another,
climbing higher and higher
into the sky
with each passing
year.

Leaves falling,
tumbling
from mother branches
to barren ground.
Dead, free of life’s
sweet nectar,
crunching and crackling
under children’s
bare feet.

Stay awake, young child.
Do not sleep
for fear of the thoughts
under your bed.
Stay awake, young child.
Do not weep
for fear of the monsters
inside your head.

Another day will come.
Another cigarette burned to fingertips.

Submitted on 2004-10-14 00:56:53 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Wow, this poem is really good. The first part made me think about this really weird book I read about catepillars in this huge mound, climbing into the sky. I think that could use some work, just for the sake of making it a little clearer. The rest of it was really good, especially the stanza about the kids and their monsters; which is something I can relate to on many different levels. Great write, I enjoyed it.
-Secret
| Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]
  I love when a piece leaves room for personal interpretation:

Writhing,
a multitude of worms
stuffed in boxes
stacked on top of one another,
climbing higher and higher
into the sky
with each passing
year.

[I've seen these worms on nightclub bathroom floors many times in the purgatory of morning, wiggling around my feet, upon them, into them-somewhere between my eyes and sight]

Leaves falling,
tumbling
from mother branches
to barren ground.
Dead, free of life’s
sweet nectar,
crunching and crackling
under children’s
bare feet.

[The crisp promise of the cold to come- so inviting, yet so somber. In their death they are insulted by innocence.]

Stay awake, young child.
Do not sleep
for fear of the thoughts
under your bed.
Stay awake, young child.
Do not weep
for fear of the monsters
inside your head.

[one
two
Freddy's comin' for you
three
four...
insand I tell you it's nuts]

Another day will come.
Another cigarette burned to fingertips.

[Again the cycle begins to end and begin again until when? And today, I really did burn my finger on my butt...]

You let me run with this one. You did quite a fantastic job and I am thankful to you for this

-SS
| Posted on 2004-11-09 00:00:00 | by Stalking Sylvia | [ Reply to This ]
  I like it too. I like the detail of the descriptions of the writhing and crackling. I'm not sure you need to say "young child" though. Wouldn't child suffice?
| Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm not really sure what are you trying to say here , the outline is pretty vague -that is if there is an outline at the first place!-, other than the words are cool and the imagry is vivid.
| Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by Beast | [ Reply to This ]
  this one is unique, enjoyable and i just love it...
i like the last line and the second stanza... the wordings is simple but you mixed it well...this what i like most of poems...wordings is simple not confusing but used in a extraordinary way
thanks for sharing...
meh,
jen
| Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a really cool idea...it all comes together wonderfully...there's an odd pregesion in this piese, like it kinda goes both ways as far as age goes...man i really like this, because i geuss we all have nightmare
| Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by milo stills | [ Reply to This ]
  grrrrrrrr...now that's bull, wasn't even done and enter...entered it not once but twice...nice. computer has a mind of it's own.
i was also going to say ...good to see ya here love to read no matter what you give me.
sheesh...i'm sooooo sorry
kelly
| Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
  different, hmmm
some of it like a young childs nightmare maybe,
then the middle stanza ALMOST soothing.
you could take each stanza and make a entirely
different poem with it's own unique subject.
yes, definitely different...not to sure what to make of the mixture of thoughts and feeling.
can't say i don't like it's just a little confusing,
but that could just be me...no brain power.
good to see ya here though...
| Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
  different, hmmm
some of it like a young childs nightmare maybe,
then the middle stanza ALMOST soothing.
you could take each stanza and make a entirely
different poem with it's own unique subject.
yes, definitely different...not to sure what to make of the mixture of thoughts and feeling.
can't say i don't like it's just a little confusing,
but that could just be me...no brain power.
good to see ya here though...
| Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
  It feels to me like you're trying to pinpoint some emotion but are having a hard time with it. The "young child" feels like it's maybe you, and all the emotions are build-up and then break... It doesn't feel like you've sorted anything out in the text, but had a need to "get it out". I do like the way you twist the words though, crunching and crackling... gives it a nice edge... Overall I like it, and as always with poetry I'm left with questions... Intriguing :)
| Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by ParaGridD | [ Reply to This ]

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