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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Poem Commits Suicidedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 39
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 758
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 266



    Description:
       


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    dotsA Poem Commits Suicidedots
    -------------------------------------------


    My words betrayed me
    jumping from the edge of the page
    rather than participating in my poem.
    Letter by letter they leaped,
    knowing there were no lifeboats.
    My work--
    an organism destroying itself bit by bit.





    Submitted on 2004-10-14 06:56:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A very funny piece - although I can't quite decide yet if it's funny-weird or funny-haha. A bit of both,actually!
    But as in all your poems,you have a refreshing perspective on things,dreaming up imagery few people could,and putting them down in neat words - that's your strongest point. :)
    | Posted on 2005-03-28 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      this is interesting. I like this thought of words rather comitting suicide than participating in your poem. but why do they this?? there must be a reason. is it a very original description of writer's block?? that's the only thing I'm missing here - a reason why they do it. besides that it is a really good poem.
    | Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Goodness! What were you trying to do to the poor words! LoL Joking. I think this is very interestins. Words, so afraid, commit suicide. I like the part about them jumping from the page, no lifeboat though. Great job.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      this is both laughable and cryable. those poor little words jumping off the page. mutiny, perhaps? did they not like their placing in the poem? did they not feel deserving of this poem? i wonder. i, too, have a bit of trouble with the last line, tho i see where you are taking it. perhaps something like "one word at a time..." or something like that. i like it, tho. it is unique!
    | Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      this is cute to me...but also frustrating...like when you cant think of a good poem but you can think of an awesome poem describing how it feels not to be able to make a poem.


    this is pretty good

    rhaine
    | Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by Rhaine | [ Reply to This ]
      Very strange poem. the name is what drew me to it...And it turned out to be as strange as the name. I don't find the outer meanign of this as sensible, and i see an inner meaning that i tragic. Are you saying that your work is going bad (ur losin the ability to write)...? Just a guess..
    | Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by Little Gal | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the problem here may be that you have conflicting images. Jumping and plunged folowing by slowy and succumbing. I think it's a brialliant idea...change a few key words and images and maybe that will strengthen the piece by giving it uniformity. Excellent idea and a few strokes away from a gem
    | Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree wit sharky, it started off so well and just flopped at the end. You get these crystal lines, but let the fade out with a conflicting image on the next line. Although organisms and cells are very interesting, they have nothing to do with suicide. You established the link through poetry and suicide quite well but reckon that you need to stick to the death theme instead of ending on a different subject.
    | Posted on 2004-10-14 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      I love it. I can just picture the kind of letters that are on sesame street or something that help teach kids to spell. I can just see them jumping off of the page into some water or something. This was a pretty funny poem. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-10-18 00:00:00 | by FeelingAlive | [ Reply to This ]
      For me the poem tells the story of the challenges involved in writing. During writing the brain is challenged to imagine and to provide the most perfect word(s) to be used by the writer. In this sense writing cannot be said to be a mundane job.

    It is exactly for this reason that writing excites me. I think most people would agree that a nicely written piece of work speaks volumes and has great reward for the writer. Baafuo
    | Posted on 2004-10-19 00:00:00 | by Nightrider | [ Reply to This ]
      cool!

    i like this one. strangely, it made me think of magnets being driven away by their opposing forces until they got to the edge of the table, and then just fell off.
    | Posted on 2004-10-16 00:00:00 | by jdinning67 | [ Reply to This ]
      I absolutely love the way you personify things... especially when they are connected to writing, it makes me feel like participating in something unusual, special... and those words, the only thing I am sure - they have their own life and they can be very awkward... Nice one.
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very interesting. I particularly liked the way it conjured up the image of something out of Disney's Fantasia or a surrealist painting or movie or something along those lines. It almost sounds like a nightmare, or a dream, depending on what you want to call it. Okay, I'm not capturing it so I guess I need to be quiet, but this is really good. I loik it, I loik it uh lot.
    -Secret
    | Posted on 2004-10-24 00:00:00 | by secret moon | [ Reply to This ]


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