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    dots Submission Name: Realisationdots

    Author: Star_searcher
    ASL Info:    17/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.25 - 114/109/20
    Words: 96
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1178
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 565

       General thoughts. I wanted the poem to jump from one idea to the next.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Your crooked heart, your twisted mind
    Why can't you just tell me why.
    After all the things that we shared,
    After me believing that you cared.
    But then it hits me, then it hurts
    This relationship could never work.
    I feel so stupid, so niave
    Why did I ever believe.
    We said so much, we loved so hard
    But then you go and break my heart.
    After you meaning so much to me,
    After you being all I could see.
    And now I look at you, now I see
    There is nothing between you and me.

    Submitted on 2004-10-15 05:26:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like how you didn't force the thyems: it sticks to the meaning more that way: but I really like how your rythym works: its great: one little pointer however: you misspelt naive
    Thnx for the read
    | Posted on 2004-10-15 00:00:00 | by littlecoombs | [ Reply to This ]
      This sounds more like a cong's lyric than a poem -which is not a bad thing BTW-, the choice of words is quite simple but doesn't hinder the piece, your rhyme is good. About the story, if it's real, then forget about her man, move on..that's the way life goes. Don't weep on the spilt milk.
    | Posted on 2004-10-15 00:00:00 | by Beast | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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