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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fancies of the Imaginationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dandan
    ASL Info:    19/F/Florida
    Elite Ratio:    4.93 - 604/323/49
    Words: 300
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 354
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1850



    Description:
       Hmmm.... the child of boredom in class.... hope you guys get it.... pretty self-explanatory, really....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFancies of the Imaginationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She tempts your attention,
    Teases you from the other side of the room --
    Entrances you until you come close enough to see her perfection.
    She is vivacious,
    Full of color,
    And her body - hard and lean.
    Though you try to turn away,
    She compels you to focus once again upon her gleaming complexion.
    Everything is in its proper place:
    Neat and orderly,
    Arranged precisely as the most beautiful always are.
    She is prominent among the others,
    Of high standing in her class --
    And though you feel emotions of inferiority creeping upon you,
    You know that you must not leave for thought that she might deem you with cowardice.
    Simply by looking upon her flawless face,
    You know exactly what she desires,
    What she demands.
    You know that behind her beauteous being,
    She is overcome with the violent longing for someone - everyone to take note of her accomplishments.
    She has chosen you.
    She is complex: branded with the pride of others, and yet, humble in her own achievements.
    She is sly: so many questions with which to challenge you, with only simple answers to offer in return.
    In every aspect, she is correct, refined, sophisticated.
    And in every way -- she calls for you.
    Your heart skips a beat, and then another...
    She gazes at you intently with fierce urging in her eyes;
    Wanting you to make your move,
    Anticipating a final decision in her favor...
    Time is short --
    The sand is quickly running through the hourglass;
    The ticking has picked up pace,
    And yet, even as my final cue is called,
    I've decided that no matter HOW tempting she may be perceived to be, I loathe the SAT preparation book on my desk.




    Submitted on 2004-10-15 21:33:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Ha ha, this is great I hate when inanimate objects make me feel inferior. You cast standarized testing in a far more complimentary light than I ever would. I almost wish I had studied for mine now. Thats all right there are always more standardized test out there. The SAT is a much more intelligent subject to write on than whe I got mad at toast. Kudos to you.
    | Posted on 2007-01-27 00:00:00 | by firebanshee | [ Reply to This ]
      The poem had my attention from start to finish, even though i didn't understand what i read the first time. I had to stop and re-read it when i was in the middle. The poem just sucks you in and when you think that you are going to follow the girl, you stop, and you fight the temptation. That was an excellent poem.

    ~*~katara~*~
    | Posted on 2006-03-01 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
      Hee hee hee.

    I enjoy this alot, mostly because I believe all standardized testing to be a) a cruel psychological experiment conducted for the amusement of stellar glop beings, and/or b) beneath my lofty intellectual capacity. (By the way, did I misspell 'intellectual'? :D)

    Your do capture the irritation I experience when preparing for such things in your punchline, which was delivered with superlative smoothness. It would have been nice if you had not used the pronoun "she" so many times, but I don't know what else you would do there.

    Fantabulous again,

    Bridge
    | Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by O_Mal_Caor | [ Reply to This ]
      wow i love how you had the "story line" set up. it is a kick in the pants. great work on this piece. cant belive i hadent read it till now. good work oxoxoxox lia
    | Posted on 2005-05-22 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, it had my imagination soaring, only to be crushed by another text-book reality. WOW! This is better than just good, it's terrific! You weave an alluring trap, and then slam it shut. A great idea, facing those things we find most difficult, a first meeting, or a moment of study. Yes, they do relate in so many ways, as you have so aptly described. I would suugest just a couple minor changes: "make your move" pulls the tone of the poem down a notch, why not try "hold her" or something like that. In the next to last line I don't think you need "perceived to be". Just my thoughts.
    I really enjoyed your little siren-call, and its shipwreck of a conclusion. Well done!

    Phil
    | Posted on 2004-12-16 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      Talk about leading a person's imagery on, I could see a blonde girl of about seventeen, and her blue eyes, and all, untill you said that about SAT's, that was unexpected.But had some good imagery, I reread it, and after that, i did see the SAT booklet, so good job!
    Camoflage
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by camoflage | [ Reply to This ]
      ahh, I wanted to KILL that chick because she had it made... and it ended up being the SAT. Hehe! Good piece of writing; a few touch-ups could always be made, but you've got an awesome idea here! Me gusta mucho!
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
      lol that was awesome until the end. that just kinda sucked. sorry. i love the first lines especially...they reel you in.
    | Posted on 2004-10-15 00:00:00 | by graffitijeans | [ Reply to This ]
      hey again-
    I got your comment asking for elaboration on suggestions for this piece. After reading it again, I don't think I would want to change anything with the content. But I think maybe you could improve some of the structure. It seems to be broken up in simple lines solely by ideas and thoughts, and I know that you've been more creative with your structuring before. I bet you could come up with something! I hate to sound like I critisize because this is very good... I know you won't get hurt feelings though. Good job, seeya later gator!
    | Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
      lol, that's great. I'm sure that EVERYONE who reads this will think it's about some perfect girl who has it made, and then you read the last line and can almost kick yourself. Nice job, brought a smile to my face.
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      Hehe... that sounds like one hot and sexy SAT. Send it my way! No, but really, this was very good. I wasn't expecting that ending and it made me chuckle. Welll written as always, with beatiful imagery. I could see the girl in my head throughout the whole thing, then you twisted it on me. Now I just think I have issues, you got me attracted to a test...ewwww...



    Good job!
    | Posted on 2004-11-27 00:00:00 | by ACircuitShock | [ Reply to This ]



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