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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: baby.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: nameless_nobody
    ASL Info:    18 in a few days.
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 333/421/67
    Words: 65
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 1257
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 519



    Description:
       i dont expect many people to get this and i dont expect anyone to like it but this song means one hell of alot to me. it may suck but its very deep. to hear it how its suposed to sound sing it like your about to cry and leave 5 second gaps everytime there are dots. its time like these i wish i could play guitar. oh well enjoy this.....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsbaby.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    why do you hurt me.......
    baby......
    what did i do........
    that was so wrong.......

    why must you do this......
    baby.......
    why have you driven me........
    to this song........


    oh baby
    what have i done!!!!!!
    what have i done!

    what have i done....
    what have i become

    why do i deserve this.....
    baby......
    i just dont......
    understand



    baby?




    Submitted on 2004-10-17 11:58:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm sorry but this just seems emotionless. Being nice would be saying it needs a lot of work, but if I were you I would just give up on this piece. It sounds like a bad r 'n' b song.
    | Posted on 2004-10-17 00:00:00 | by Star_searcher | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree that it does seem rather bland. Everything is read at face value and the reader needs to know what's going on. What you have is very short and much too short for a song, unless you were planning to do an instrumental...
    | Posted on 2004-10-17 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      id have to hear the music with it. if theres any way to do that let me know! :-) I'd like to hear more of it. Just with the music like you say.
    | Posted on 2004-10-17 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      If you follow the instructions you've given in the description it comes across as someone choked up with emotion. Not being able to breath for the sheer pain of it and heart wrenchingly asking 'why'? I play the guitar and have sung the words while softly picking C, D, G, C, D, F in repition... anyone out there with a guitar should try it... pretty amazing.
    | Posted on 2004-10-17 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      well i have to say that i like your song but wish there was more to it. great write and i wish that i could hear it. keep working on it an may be you will be able to put more to it. talk to you later lia
    | Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      mm nice lyrics mr. harvey. its short of coarse. but like you said in the description, it would be sung longer. it sortof gives an emotion, but its your song and you know what you're saying. when others read it they connect it to something in their life, and creat a story of their own. so no need to put descriptions/imagery in the song. just making it sound like you're crying out in pitty is good enough. nice tiny write will.
    ~jess
    | Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by nameless child | [ Reply to This ]


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