unworthy by weepingwillow

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Submission Name: unworthy dots

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Author:	weepingwillow
ASL Info:	23/f/Brighton
Elite Ratio:	3.1 - 36/64/28
Words:	70

Class/Type:	Prose/Sorry
Total Views:	331
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	497

Description:
if i just keep talking this crap i'll eventually exhaust it, right?!

unworthy dots

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sipping tea
is a reminder of you
like a badly penned sonnet
tannins sharp
and cinnamon
the notes reside on my tongue

although you are far
mind wandering through galaxies
that I wish we could share
I was once almost there

the planets co-exist??
your voice I have missed
sometimes I close my eyes when you talk
and imagine it's peaceful
cherry blossoms
but thats not you!!

Submitted on 2004-10-17 15:44:37 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Pestachios can be worn as close or undergarments and in a pinch, pinch the shells to create the smell similar to deodorant. i liked this a lot.
| Posted on 2006-05-16 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the first stanza before the three finger aliens; picking their noses with their right hand, Holding three musketeers bar in their left hands came in and shouted" Zipperplasm greco roman cheese cake"; it was distracting.
Peace
| Posted on 2004-10-17 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
  I definitely enjoyed the first stanze, the pureness truth of it really catches the eye. Sometimes rambling crap brings out the good stuff, which was done here, no longer crap...if that makes sense...anyway, great job...

~Anarius~
| Posted on 2004-10-17 00:00:00 | by Anarius | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a great read you use your words well to paint the picture that you want to create, a b it jumbled in parts maybe rethink and rewrite it, but yeah keep up the good work
| Posted on 2004-10-17 00:00:00 | by dark silence | [ Reply to This ]
  i'm sorry not to critisize, i usually never do but i could not find one thing that i liked about this piece if i had to rate it a one to 10 i would give it a 2 i'm sorry work on it it could be better
mikki
| Posted on 2004-10-30 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]

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