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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Regrets of a Bruised Souldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: morte
    ASL Info:    17/female/earth
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 430/348/55
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 899
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 882



    Description:
       any suggestions for a title would be greatly appreciated...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRegrets of a Bruised Souldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Regrets…?
    I have a few
    The biggest one
    Is you

    Death in disguise:
    Hair died black
    Soulless blue eyes
    Like bruises

    Open wide…
    Your words a spell
    Hypnotism
    Round trip to hell

    Step right on up…
    Have some homemade lies
    Play a game to
    Win your choice of prize…
    Or lose your soul

    A first degree
    Murderer
    The killing spree
    Of my dreams

    Bartender
    To emotions
    Love, life, joy:
    False devotions

    Razor blade
    Kisses
    Masquerade
    As love

    Lack of funds
    Sorry, life denied
    Bankruptcy
    A soul suicide

    You desecrate
    Life’s graveyard
    Acting as ‘fate’
    The devil playing god




    Submitted on 2004-10-18 15:29:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      there you go, this is stronger than the previous one. i like this one more, again i like the comparisons. you did a nice job rewriting this, it sounds stronger, richer, and more full of feeling. great work alex.
    | Posted on 2005-03-31 00:00:00 | by Podenco del infierno | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good, I loved how you made it flow and the word usage in it. This was really pretty sounding (yeah, I know i used the word pretty, i don't know what to say other then that)
    | Posted on 2005-03-23 00:00:00 | by Akili | [ Reply to This ]
      i pushed random member profile and here you are! the first lines sound too much like that song, "regrets, i've had a few, but then again, too few to mention..." know the one i speak of? i think it's called "My Way." anyway, aside from that, it speaks clearly of a bruised soul, taken in by another's lies and deceit. never a pleasant place to be.

    A first degree
    Murderer
    The killing spree
    Of my dreams

    these lines stuck out at me, like this person is a serial killer, killing all your dreams.

    well done.
    | Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      this was kinda amazing. "Step right on up…
    Have some homemade lies
    Play a game to
    Win your choice of prize…
    Or lose your soul" was such an awesome stanza, but i dont think that last part fit so well.. leave tho if thats what you were getting at. you touch on so many emotions and feelings at once, and so quickly, but still kept my attention which i really liked. but i do have a lack of total understanding, it seems like so many thought strung togther in one poem. let me know
    | Posted on 2004-11-11 00:00:00 | by Josh | [ Reply to This ]
      spoken best and only by a bruised soul. its wonderfully drak and cryptic. a poem like this has many a kindered spirit. it becomes slightly hypnotic but somewhat truthful.
    | Posted on 2004-10-18 00:00:00 | by butterfly wings | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the images in this one. This is the ultimate kiss off poem. It should be "hair dyed black" and "lose your soul." You could call it "Razorblade Kisses," "Soul Suicide," or "Homemade Lies." I really like that picture too. It's too cool.
    | Posted on 2004-10-18 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      loved it. dark, sad, and admirably concise. you get to your points and thank god for that because they're good ones. also i like how it's not as detailed as the person reading it wants to hear which is great, keeps us reading, wondering.
    | Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by kair | [ Reply to This ]


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