Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You'll never knowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Star_searcher
    ASL Info:    17/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.25 - 114/109/20
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 1375
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1053



    Description:
       I would appreciate any general comments on the structure of the write. I wasn't too sure if this has worked so any improvements would be obliged.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou'll never knowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You'll never know what it's like...
    to know you'll never feel these things again...

    I'll never wake up to your kiss or your arms around me ... stroking me, protecting me
    I'll never be half asleep and feel you stroke my hair and kiss my head
    I'll never tell you I love you when you're asleep to be suprised and hear you say it back ...
    I love you too.

    It hurts so much

    You'll never come up behind me and give me a loving hug
    You'll never stop me from going anywhere just to tell me you love me
    You'll never tell me you miss me ... need me ... want me ...

    It hurts so much

    We'll never walk hand in hand like we have no cares in the world
    We'll never look at the stars and tell each other our dreams
    We'll never fall into each others eyes again knowing that we mean the world to each other

    Because you don't care

    It kills me.




    Submitted on 2004-10-18 16:45:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Another plus! I think that the structure and everything goes together. They were thoughts that you had and the way you put them down made me get on your level. Thoughts are all *&%^$#@$%^ (if that makes sense) so it's good to write the same way.
    | Posted on 2004-11-24 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      such a sad account of one who has left mentally, it hurts so much when you care deeply and it's not reciprocated, very nice explanation of such pain, ...Bob:)
    | Posted on 2004-10-18 00:00:00 | by poetryman | [ Reply to This ]
      having your heart broken really sucks! your emotions come through loud and clear... I liked it very much! is this to the same guy as "why" ?
    will be awaiting more posts! nice! TeddyD
    | Posted on 2004-10-18 00:00:00 | by TeddyD | [ Reply to This ]
      I can see myself in this a little too much. I'm so sorry for what you must be feeling. It's hard to have something end when you feel you weren't done with it yet. Doesn't it kill you to be so affected by someone elses actions?
    | Posted on 2004-10-18 00:00:00 | by kissingadict | [ Reply to This ]
      You need a little work on the ryming but other than that it was a great poem. Its really hard to lose someone you love.
    | Posted on 2004-10-19 00:00:00 | by Draco | [ Reply to This ]
      to hell with the rhyming! this was a fantastic write! can I say it? please? lol "Love is a misconception." lol I know- I know you don't believe it. but it sounded like a good response to this write.
    | Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    28548

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry