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    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Interstatedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: secret moon
    Elite Ratio:    6.54 - 687/427/57
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Prose/
    Total Views: 945
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 936



    Description:
       This is a segment from a story I'm writing. . .


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInterstatedots
    -------------------------------------------


    There was something mesmerizing about driving, especially at this time of day. My friends and I had dubbed it "the witching hour", during which the worst of sunset’s rays ate into your retinas and the traffic finally thinned, and you were flying down the road without any thought in your mind of cops or drunk drivers or any of the other diseases of a teenager’s world. I lost myself in the monotonous passing of the yellow dashed lines between the lanes and in the way the cars fell behind as I sped along, a blurred bolt of rusty-red to the slow-driving old-lady-felons. Danger of collision and of the law faded as I became one with the machine I was driving; I became part of the engine, part of the seat, part of the steering wheel, part of the rubber on the tires, part of the road that extended on and on into the distance of eternity. It was a teenage rebel’s revelation, an adolescent punk queen’s heaven-on-earth.




    Submitted on 2004-10-18 22:17:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      There is something mesmerizing about driving at the “witching hour.” Thus friends and I dubbed the time when the worst of sunset’s rays were eating into our retinas and the traffic finally thinned. We flew down the road without any thought in your mind of cops or drunk drivers or any of the other diseases of a teenager’s world.

    I think it should be like this, but whatever. This is a good piece. I like the part especially about you molding into the car. That was a good image, very intense. This is a very good start, clean it up a bit and it will be even better.
    | Posted on 2004-11-02 00:00:00 | by leftof_red | [ Reply to This ]
      sounds liberating. Very well written piece of work here. I would be interested in reading more of this story. I could not help but wonder though what kind of car she was driving into the sunset?

    thanks for sharing.

    peace,
    mister fizzle
    | Posted on 2005-01-10 00:00:00 | by Mister Fizzle | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, interesting... I like a lot of lines in this, like the sun's rays/retinas, rusty-red bolt... it's good. It began well, kept the attention (even though it's short, some people -me,me,me!- have terrible concentration. Where d'ya go from here?
    | Posted on 2004-10-19 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      I wanna read the rest :( it's really good, i'm interested as to how it turns out - therefore, you have succeeded in your aim, or at least what i assume your aim is Some beautiful lines here - is the rest like this?
    | Posted on 2004-10-19 00:00:00 | by whiteknight | [ Reply to This ]
      i wanna read the rest too. i hate cliff hangers they bug me.but if you are going to add more let me know i wanna read read read!
    bren
    | Posted on 2004-10-19 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh la la me likes. Your first sentence is a run on sentence, but believe me I've had my fair share of duelings with run ons lately. Maybe chaning it to:

    "There was something mesmerizing about driving, especially at the “witching hour”, as my friends and I had dubbed the time when the worst of sunset’s rays were eating into your retinas and the traffic finally thinned. Flying down the road without any thought in your mind of cops or drunk drivers or any of the other diseases of a teenager’s world."

    (I like the way you put the word disease up there) Anyway apart from that I thoguht this was an excellent choice! Your vocabulary is amazing, the only thing I have to say is maybe sondensing your use of critical vocabulary (being the "big words" haha) Through prior experience I've found readers can be somewhat discouraged by something they dont understand....buts its your piece. Anyway aweoms write!!!!
    --Kayla
    | Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      okay, now i want to read more! i actually hate driving on the freeway. i always take back roads whenever possible. this caught my eye, though. more! i love the way you became the car, too!
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    28597

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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