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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: seeing you rundots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slickviper097
    ASL Info:    18/f/georgia
    Elite Ratio:    4.5 - 163/170/44
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 876
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 930



    Description:
       Am I still playing hide and seek yet today?

    The answer lingers in the air..

    So close, yet so far away.
    I can't grasp it.

    And you can't grasp me.

    (thanks to Vibrant for inspiration to write)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsseeing you rundots
    -------------------------------------------


    1...2....3...
    count to twenty.
    10..11..12...
    don't peek.
    18...19..20.
    ready or not.
    here you come.
    run. run. run.
    try to find me.
    I'm hiding
    deep beneath the shadow.
    I'm waiting.
    watching.
    seeing you run
    here..... there.
    everywhere.
    to find me.
    look
    behind that tree.
    no, not me.
    look
    beneath that barrel.
    no.. wrong again.
    you can't find me.
    I am hiding.
    staying a safe distance
    away.
    try to find me.

    oh
    but you can't.
    I picked too hard a spot.
    I am stuck.
    please find me.
    I'm hiding,
    crying.
    friends can't help.
    family has tried.
    you can't reach me.
    I'm hiding.
    crying.

    please find me.




    Submitted on 2004-10-20 09:06:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow well in the beginning of this poem i thought "why the hell would this be under longing?!" it sounded so comical yet as i kept reading then finished it i understood! i love the way you wrote this...it puts the reader off guard and they dont expect it to turn so suddenly & dramatically...this is really cool. im adding it to my favs!
    | Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the way that this starts so innocently and then the feelings slowly build up and the ending is just perfect. I have to admit that this is a very good write but it's not really in my genre, taste etc, don't know why. Sorry about that, great work!
    | Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with 'sweet-fire'...I was giggling at first then brought to tears...I felt very useless and unable to help.
    The beginning was so full of that frisky 'hide and seek' feeling then you slid the harsh reality of being lost...good transformation.
    Reminds me of the sis/bro that hides a sibbling and does not seek them out...
    They're left alone, scared and hopeless.

    Another good write!
    kelly
    | Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Deep...very deep! Dude...you made me cry! i dont cry! I thoguth it was happy and you messed with ym head...You must be like spawn of Shakespeare or something or some american author that Ive heard of! thank you!
    | Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by StarAcabar | [ Reply to This ]
      Your poem is very nice, and l get the point. You did a wonderful job with the flow and the slowing of the whole. l read your poem many times, and it is or feels very much layered. Great reflection in the way you have set up the poem its self. What drama...and it may be simple, yet very effective upon the reader...Thanks for sharing, and have a good day.
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by Vibrant | [ Reply to This ]


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