Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: seeing you rundots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slickviper097
    ASL Info:    18/f/georgia
    Elite Ratio:    4.5 - 163/170/44
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 864
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 930



    Description:
       Am I still playing hide and seek yet today?

    The answer lingers in the air..

    So close, yet so far away.
    I can't grasp it.

    And you can't grasp me.

    (thanks to Vibrant for inspiration to write)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsseeing you rundots
    -------------------------------------------


    1...2....3...
    count to twenty.
    10..11..12...
    don't peek.
    18...19..20.
    ready or not.
    here you come.
    run. run. run.
    try to find me.
    I'm hiding
    deep beneath the shadow.
    I'm waiting.
    watching.
    seeing you run
    here..... there.
    everywhere.
    to find me.
    look
    behind that tree.
    no, not me.
    look
    beneath that barrel.
    no.. wrong again.
    you can't find me.
    I am hiding.
    staying a safe distance
    away.
    try to find me.

    oh
    but you can't.
    I picked too hard a spot.
    I am stuck.
    please find me.
    I'm hiding,
    crying.
    friends can't help.
    family has tried.
    you can't reach me.
    I'm hiding.
    crying.

    please find me.




    Submitted on 2004-10-20 09:06:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow well in the beginning of this poem i thought "why the hell would this be under longing?!" it sounded so comical yet as i kept reading then finished it i understood! i love the way you wrote this...it puts the reader off guard and they dont expect it to turn so suddenly & dramatically...this is really cool. im adding it to my favs!
    | Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ]
      I think the way that this starts so innocently and then the feelings slowly build up and the ending is just perfect. I have to admit that this is a very good write but it's not really in my genre, taste etc, don't know why. Sorry about that, great work!
    | Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with 'sweet-fire'...I was giggling at first then brought to tears...I felt very useless and unable to help.
    The beginning was so full of that frisky 'hide and seek' feeling then you slid the harsh reality of being lost...good transformation.
    Reminds me of the sis/bro that hides a sibbling and does not seek them out...
    They're left alone, scared and hopeless.

    Another good write!
    kelly
    | Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Deep...very deep! Dude...you made me cry! i dont cry! I thoguth it was happy and you messed with ym head...You must be like spawn of Shakespeare or something or some american author that Ive heard of! thank you!
    | Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by StarAcabar | [ Reply to This ]
      Your poem is very nice, and l get the point. You did a wonderful job with the flow and the slowing of the whole. l read your poem many times, and it is or feels very much layered. Great reflection in the way you have set up the poem its self. What drama...and it may be simple, yet very effective upon the reader...Thanks for sharing, and have a good day.
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by Vibrant | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    28778

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry