Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Gravity Welldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 604
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 761



    Description:
       I guess you can account this piece as the result of watching and reading alot of scifi and my overactive imagination. This was written as it flowed, I am not changing anything about it for anyone!!!!! This is what it is! Comments are welcome though I wanna know what thoughts spark from reading this piece.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGravity Welldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Youíre my black hole
    Been caught in the gravity well
    All along


    Circling around
    Trying to escape
    As you pull me in


    No light escapes
    My S.O.S transmissions
    Became static


    Not enough fuel
    To break free
    Itís time to shut the engines down


    Youíve always been my black hole
    Your mystery
    My sirens song


    Itís time
    Full forward thrust
    The hulls buckling


    Youíve always been my black hole
    My sirens song
    But I cant think of a better way to go baby
    You know Ive loved you all along




    Submitted on 2004-10-20 12:06:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Another well done reflection with a twist!

    very cool spin...I didn't see it as sci-fi as much as it was your hurting view, through sci-fi eyes..

    Love your writes John, always clear, in my mind
    anyway...
    This one is depressing but this time you made it better at the end instead of vise-versa, by telling us it was ok to fall away because you'll go being blessed by her to begin with.

    Yeppers...another awsome write my dear!
    kelly
    | Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      heck i wouldn't of asked ya to change a thing anyways...i think its perfect...no exaggeration...its really good...and the format is very fitting...i'm really liking the third stanza...nothing more to say then wonderful job...purps
    | Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is freakin great
    wow way to go
    why do all of yours poems seem to relate back to love
    possibly i read them that way becuase i want to
    this really is great
    i feel like everyone has people who are their black holes like a person you just cant shake
    this really cool (ive said that how many times)
    its just so different from your other stuff
    i feel like maybe your turning a new way changing into an even better writter by using intersting way to show the emotions youve always shown
    <3
    | Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by scorpio sphinx | [ Reply to This ]
      Loved it. Never really seen sci fi fused to romance like this before. A really good way to describe falling completely into some body. Well done.
    HWKI
    | Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by HWKI | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a supercool piece. Obviously I'm a total fan of the scifi imagery, but more than that, it's just plain good. My S.O.S. transmissions become static is an awesome phrase. I don't know how inherently poetical it is, but this is definitely one I could see being expanded and turned into a song. Perhaps even a TMBG song.
    | Posted on 2004-10-26 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      Definitely different and in a good way. Felt like it could easily be turned in a song which is a great quality to have in a poem...the feeling comes across sincerely and I liked the honest humor and pace of those last lines. Uplifting to read
    | Posted on 2004-10-26 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    28792

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Linger written by saartha
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Giving written by jjd
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    To written by SavedDragon
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Push written by JanePlane
    Incubus written by monad
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Date night written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry