When You're Ready by Kalidoscopeeyes

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Submission Name: When You're Ready dots

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Author:	Kalidoscopeeyes
ASL Info:	18/f
Elite Ratio:	3.64 - 122/151/29
Words:	82

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	256
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	576

Description:
I was in my Prob/Stat class and this just came out. I don't know who it's about or what made me say it, but I did. Maybe I'm writing about myself...

When You're Ready dots

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Don't sigh your life away, I'm here,
Reaching out with open arms.
You're losing that enrapturing shine in your eyes,
But don't give in to it, I'm here.
I'll cradle your broken heart,
Kiss away those burning tears.
Let me take those empty promises in my hands
And blow them all into the wind.
I'll cut myself with the same blade
And share in the pain.
Don't kill yourself with anger and worry;
You're too perfect for scars.
Kill me instead.

Submitted on 2004-10-20 13:39:25 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  I don't think that I could come up with enough words to describe what I felt after reading this poem. Even though this poem may not be about anyone imparticular, I think that it relates to a lot of people. People get so caught up in the stresses in their life and the things they think are important, they lose track of what is important. They get so worried and stressed that sooner or later they aren't going to be able to handle it anymore. I used to get myself so stressed out and because I never did anything about it, I got sick. I would get horrible stomach aches to the point that I thought I would vomit.

You wrote this poem really well, and I'm glad that you chose to share it with the rest of us.
~Ravenwood
| Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by Ravenwood | [ Reply to This ]
  i can relate, i see your poetries direction and rythym, sometimes i dont understand why i write why i do, maybe in reading others poetry like your's i can see and find that depth of myself that lets me write the deepest parts of myself, thank you
| Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by fallenone | [ Reply to This ]
  Now, see, you took a poem that began in a soothing manner..."Don't despair, I'll be here for you, I'll help you..." and then ended it with "Kill me, instead".

Do you see the problem?

I would much prefer a resolution that blends in with the rest of the piece and maintains the soothing, hopeful feel that you began with.
| Posted on 2004-10-20 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow...it started out really sweet, comforting...and turned into a haunting despair...a cry for help maybe? but i liked it this way because it had the reader essentially thinks maybe everything is going to be ok, and then the only way this is to be established is if you sacrfice yourself (or if someone else sacrifices themself) overall, leaving a broody feeling in the reader's hearts. Its very well put together...whisper it quietly to someone, and it will DEFINTIELY leave a shiver down someone's spine...very nice and i love it. but maybe there should be some transition between "blowing into wind" and "cutting with the same blade" (i'm paraphrasing, lol) so it doesnt shock the reader so much...but then again, is that why its there? hmm...lol
~!~luvs, pac
| Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by Catie O Daniels | [ Reply to This ]

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