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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: cracked memoriesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: fallenelf
    ASL Info:    19/f/pa
    Elite Ratio:    2.6 - 43/56/23
    Words: 304
    Class/Type: Prose/Dark
    Total Views: 320
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1652



    Description:
       hola. wrote this one during a span of a few class presentations. so forgive me if its a little wacky in the beginning. im not actualy sure if i consider this finished, but too bad. read it....and again, im not a creative person for titles. so any suggestions would be appreciated


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscracked memoriesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Deterioration. Can you even imagine how that would feel? To rot? Your mind, your heart, your very soul? It's not a good feeling, I can tell you that. Every aspect of your being just swiped away from under you. Every notion you thought you would have, any warning signs of this sudden penetration...not existent. Just imagine what I'm trying to say. If you can.

    That day the rain stabbed icicles into my heart. They nestled deeply, frigid with the lack of warmth. Those that passed me by stayed their positions, silence dawning throughout the village. They recognized my aura. But they could do nothing. I slipped through an empty allyway, the gloom hovering about my form. The darkness awakened the porter. I followed his empty eyes into the cove. This ragged building, pounded by bullet holes and tumultuous emotions. The mist slid under the cracks, issuing empty fears to my figure. The passageway spewed into a larger area. A covered courtyard, formerly decimated by my forecoming. Those predictions that billowed from the one beyond knew of my arrival to this land. How? I covered myself in the lost sounds of life, the lack of light emitted from my haven. The black depths that burrowed in my soul, blackened with hatred. The fear, I ejected upon all who had the faintest idea of my being. My appearance stiffened the air. The one whom I had been seeking waited in the ominous torchlight, concealed by his own shadow. Two twin entities were we, face to face. The intensity of the flickering light bequeathed such an undesirable sensation the clouds broke and frigid waters found their way home.




    Submitted on 2004-10-21 06:33:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      very good i liked it i could also relate to it becuz somtimes i feel as if i have been stabed with icicles but over all i enjoyed reading it
    | Posted on 2005-04-13 00:00:00 | by s33d | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good. I loved the sentement it gave. Theres only one thing though, did you proof read what you typed? The reason I ask is because there are a few words that are ran together. Other than that it was great
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by Marbles | [ Reply to This ]
      This is quite interesting, maybe it's a little too dark for my taste but still. I think you should revise it because there are a lot of spelling mistakes.
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by Beast | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought tihs was quite nice. I won't be a dick and point out the typos that everyone has already pointed out. I [censored] loved the line "the clouds broke and frigid waters found their way home. " For some reason i can feel that. Would you call this a stream of coniousness?
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by Voodoo_Lounge | [ Reply to This ]
      First impressions Cracked memories. I was hoping to hear of memories on crack. The title to this piece doesn't do the work justice. Obviously the lack of proofreading interferes with the message. If you fix these nuances it will be a much better piece. I thought these lines were unecessary."It's not a good feeling, I can tell you that. Just imagine what I'm trying to say. If you can."

    "frigid with the lack of warmth" Frigid implies a lack of warmth; it's redundant.
    Other than these minor maladies I enjoyed this piece, keep up the good work
    peace
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      spelling. ah yes. well i type fast, i do it in the library in the morning, and i wanted this to get posted, so no, i really dont proofread it. but i will now!
    | Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by fallenelf | [ Reply to This ]



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