Description: i wrote this while i was at a really bad poetry reading.
open mic night -------------------------------------------
And i stand before you now
anonymous faces invading my mind.
i focus not on the words
but rather on your thoughts;
or at least what i imagine them to be.
so i'll say words like "lust" or "fuck"
just to get your attention.
i'll speak fast and utter big words
of which no one knows the meaning.
and are you even listening?
impeaching my mind with your translucent stare.
i know it makes no sense
but will you really think about it in an hour?
halfway done now.
i can take a breath,
share another glance.
smoke so thick i can barely breathe.
bitter beauty barely broken.
sadistic sadness softly spoken.
it's all in the rhythm.
it's all in the rhyme.
you listen but you don't really comprehend.
you focus on my soft, quiet voice.
no, it's not a poem.
it's my inspiration.
it doesn't matter if it's good
'cause you still listened
and you're still gonna clap.
A rather sarcastic view of open mics, no? well, haven’t ever been to one, so I wouldn’t know. It is kinda correct though. And to tell you the truth sometimes I wonder if eliteskills is becoming that way too. People sometimes post really not so intelligent writes. They still get praise (of course the occasional outspoken guy is going to rip it apart).
Nice view there. I liked the metaphors: “translucent stares”, “sadistic sadness” (this one btw is very interesting, they’re kind of opposites, but not really, it certainly creates a nice effect). The part where you say you add “[censored]: and “lust” just to grab attention is funny! People do that lots of time.
Really nice idea here. I never thought about it, but you certainly exposed all the clichéd writing people sometimes write. Using thesauruses to “improve” their vocabularies.
Nice write. Can ya comment on “not anymore” on my page?
:) man i liked this.. i didnt have time to ready any others.. so i thought id jsut click on a poem and read away.. i like this.. ALOT
yea.. bad comment.. like i said not much of a writer.. least thing i can do for the opportunity of reading a good poem is offer my gratitude.
so.. THANKS! eh.. was a bit eccentric.. okie dokie..
anyway.. you write about the same thing alot of other people write about but you write it soo much more clear.. and its not something so obvious.. something one might know first hand. or know from the first passage.. i mean the meaning.. if, infact i am not missing some hidden meaning within the lines.
i have a new poem up.. like 6 short lines..
see if you get it.. also have another poem which ill try to finish.. like right now but.. i got alot of school work i need to do.. yea.. been skipping class for 2 weeks..
Believe it or not, I've never been to one. I've seen them on TV and always think much the way your narrator does, that it's all about getting reaction with big words, rambled together to give a fast jabbing rhythm and illusion of intelligence and depth, yet if you rewind and break it down they are often awful.
The end result (applause) reminds me of Elite in a way. Is it not what we are "performing" for too? Applause? Approval? In spite of the shortcomings we often see ourselves?
I wonder, have you ever performed this piece? That would be interesting. I wonder if people would hold their applause for fear of looking stupid, when in fact, this one would surely deserve the affirmation.
Really good work. (and this is my sincere appraisal, not the empty pat on the back it looks like)
I once visited an AA meeting, and I thought there were some striking similarities. They're both the kind of place one wouldn't want to be found dead as well.
In this poem you seem to place the blame on the audience, I guess poets are a selfish lot when it comes to appreciating the poetry of others. The solution seen on this web site is crawling so deep inside eachother's ass that you think it's your own. Or like someone on this site once worded it rather efficiently: poetry wrecks.
wow...i've only been to one poetry reading beforeand i have to admit...i was wondering why i went...i'm pretty sure they aren't all that bad...but i went to this coffeeshop slash...nightclub in lakewood...and lakewood itself is pretty weird as it is...and some of the poets were pretty good then i remember this one lady...reading one word lines very dramaticly and loudly...something to the extent of
fire surrounds consumes me and i burn my lonely heart the pain the intense hotness
though thats just an example it could of been worse but she was playing a marocca to...it was interesting...and i was thining ...um...anyone beginning to writea normal persopn on the street coul;d write that...but people clapped...i don't know this write really remined me of that...lol...sorry ramble ramble...but i like your write it portrays this event very well and how bored you seemed if you were writing about what the person reading the poem was thinking and feeling...nicely done though...writing from anothers persons perspective ...purps
now this is f ucking great...there is an open mic night in this coffee shop...it's all starved collge kids ripping of jim morison really bad...and then the one time i read something...they didn't know what to say becuase i didn't rhyme or talk to the crowd...yeah this rocks
ha! you know... ive never been to an open mic night or a poetry reading of any kind (though it sure is on my list of things to do sometime soon i just gotta find out if my city has them yadda yadda yadda...) this is kinda cool... i mean the person obviously sucked... was completely incoherrant and prolly couldnt be comprehended coz there was nothing to comprehend... perhaps... but id completely admire them for having the guts to get up there and say anything... im fine with public speaking but i dont know how i would go reading my poetry coz no one i know even knows i write poetry so ya... id be a blithering mess id imagine and i just love the whole your gonna clap when im done anyways... this was quite a witty write... very making me want to find an open mic night right now!
I've been to more then 1 open mic. my son plays acoustic guitar and sings. it really pisses me off watching people paying no attention to someone who has put themselves up there in the hopes that some kind of message gets thru.' do these people have no where else to go?
mmmmm. . . this poem maked me think, it makes you think that maybe we need to go back to the simple things, not just in writing, which I agree we don't need words like [censored] in the poetry, but a more simpler life in general, i think as a whole we are all bogged down to much with excuses, or trying to be sugar coated nice, and it's not working, as your poem put it, we are becomeing confused, not knowing what we are listening to ,but following uniformly when all clap, at somehtings we don't even know. I am not sure if this was the attent of your poem, but I liked it, very well written, and meaningful kaity
I have gone to many open mics and I listen when the person comes with something from their heart.... and I don't clap unless I mean it.... I don't know if yoou should start the poem with And. and becarfull with usind I alot... someone else told me this and I find it works well. I like the part abou the rhythm. the rhyme. as a part where there is rhyming going on.
Interesting! At first this really didnt catch my attention, not even the fact you mentioned lust or [censored] but as I kept reading I really liked how it ended Because this really wasn't a poem yet it still had its very own flair and style.
i've been to many many open mics, albeit they were all musical ones. cuddle's comment about the tone-deaf folk singer is so true! anyway, i've only read a few times at open mics, and it's hard! i feel naked without my guitar! this is well-written and i like it. that polite applause is so disheartening, 'cause you can tell that's what it is. maybe someday i'll brave another open mic and read! good write!
Yeah, but their is the polite clap and then their is applause. I did a group reading a few weeks ago. My first poem got applause, the second, the clap. I knew the difference, and why. I wish there were more places to do this where I live, but living in a rural area has its advantages, and open mic night isn't one of them! Thanks for sharing, Dave
I go to open mikes almost every weekend, and this is a perfect representation of what happens at them (You need a tone deaf folk singer though. I've been to them all over the world, and I've never been to one without a BAD folk singer). The one I go to has this really annoying guy who reads all of these long, tedious poems. My flash fiction story Prose About a Poem is about him. I liked this one a lot. The ending is so sad. I hate polite applause. I'm sure people really liked your work though. This is excellent.