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    dots Submission Name: Masquerade of Broken Smilesdots

    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 683
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 745

       I really dont know what to say about this I was listening to the song "Black Dollar Bills" by Hope of the States, and this just kinda found its way out from the beginning of the song to the end so I decided to post it so please rip it apart or whatever.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMasquerade of Broken Smilesdots

    Iíve been wearing
    This broken smile

    Living in this masquerade,
    am I in denial?

    Hold me close,
    cold air gets in
    through this broken smile

    Iím shivering
    I must be in denial

    I once cherished
    this broken smile.

    Hold me close, as weíre
    dancing in this masquerade.

    My hands are shaking
    its been so long
    since I cared for
    this broken smile.

    Iíll deny the thoughts.
    The buried sins.
    And Iíll wear with pride
    this broken man.
    Hoping this dance never ends

    Submitted on 2004-10-21 13:27:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Sorry to dissappoint! Not much ripping going on here! I strangely understand yet feel its a little idle as thought you wrote it to do something. My heart is gone when i read it and I feel nothing!
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by StarAcabar | [ Reply to This ]
      I really do not understand why you would miss your broken smile. I can tell by your creativity that you have potential and can do better than this.
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by devonbracy | [ Reply to This ]
      I find that life has been this cruel to me and that that broken smile finds my face all to often, seems relation is found between those who share uncommon ground, but i say let us all continue this Masquerade, great work.
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by fallenone | [ Reply to This ]
      My take on this piece is you experimenting with a new style. It doesn't quite flow to me, and certain rhymes are..tacky. Like denial. That one made me flinch. Even the image broken smile is one I've definitely heard before.
    | Posted on 2004-10-26 00:00:00 | by Ontlogicalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      well hmmn...i'm liking the whole take on this...yeah broken smiles been used before every word or line in our poetry has probablybeen used before we just haven't heard it or read it...so yeah anywho...i think its really good i loves the images produced here the masquerade the broken smile...the thoughts of being in denial...hmmn...the broken smile representing a part of life...a relation ship...?...the masquerade...hmmm...that being the relationship...i'm sleepy and trying to think...i hink the piece produces alot of thought...sorry if i'm rambling...lol...ok hmm...thinking ...broken smile representing maybe the not so perfect person...but they were comfortable with themselves with being that person even though it wasn't perfect...and the masquerade...is the person hiding their true self...so the write prettymuch saying to me this person is sick of not being themself and they wish agian to be comfortable in their own skin...or the masqeurade is a failed relationship...maybe a not so perfect relationship and this person is having trouble excepting that its ending...?...lol...i sound likea rambling moron...either way i really enjoyed this write and the structure of this poem is awesome...andworks well with how it reads...smiles purps
    | Posted on 2004-10-27 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]

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