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    dots Submission Name: Rain, Stars, the Sundots

    Author: max
    ASL Info:    27 m tennessee
    Elite Ratio:    3.5 - 152/191/55
    Words: 58
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 951
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 384


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    dotsRain, Stars, the Sundots

    To see the stars again,
    to walk out into the street

    watching slow commercials on tv,
    gonna eat a meal tonight

    waiting for the rain to stop,
    I'm thinkin' about her

    I may watch a movie tonight,
    right now I'm writing

    if I had a daughter,
    I'd name her May, like the month.

    Submitted on 2004-10-21 16:51:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      you know... im loving your randomness... you must get sick of narrowminded "i dont know what your saying" comments... (though mine prolly aint much better really...) but oo... you know... each of your wee points in this poem is like a star to me... like they all seem kinda unrelated and yet theyre all in the same poem... stars their own entities but in the same sky... and i know thats pretty damn airy fairy but thats the best i can come up with... i think ooo... call her may...thats so pretty!
    | Posted on 2004-11-26 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm sorry, but what are you trying to say? do u love the weather, the month, or the girl? I don't know what outline you had mind while writing this..maybe a lttle description wouls help...
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by Beast | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a bit too jumbled, which makes it seem a little nonsensical. Just when a thought begins it's motion, it seems to be stopped by another. I think You might want to elaborate a bit on the emotion and eaning behind each strophe. This seemed more like stream of consciousness thinking, than poetry. I would love to see a rewrite. Keep me posted!
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
      Confusing, exatly...but it hink you're trying to convey to us to just enjoy the simple things around and just ponder about them now and then, no? but i do kinda get it and i like the simplicity of the vocaulary combined with the way you make us think of the theme...i defintiely love it
    ~!~Caitie O Daniels
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by Catie O Daniels | [ Reply to This ]
      unconventional. the way you wrote the poem is very strange, not really connected yet all related. its as though you are writing little thoughts that go through your head at any given moment. good write.
    | Posted on 2004-10-21 00:00:00 | by butterfly wings | [ Reply to This ]

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