Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lingering Thoughtsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Aken Sol
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 197/204/67
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 859
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1069



    Description:
       Surface story is obvious. Thoughts & suggestions?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLingering Thoughtsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Temptation from the start
    Deprivation in my heart
    I don’t know why she’s his girl
    My mind is spinning in a whirl

    Of unchained thoughts and possibilities

    Mapped out desires that are too real
    Wrapped up feelings I shouldn’t feel
    For he has always been my friend
    More reason for me to defend

    This crazed hunger for rationalities

    He doesn’t treat her quite right
    She doesn’t seem that bright
    Receiving heartache and pain
    Disbelieving sunshine when it rains

    With angry blows and hostilities

    Vile is his treatment to this sweetie
    Bile is what he is to me
    Learnt not to appreciate this gift
    Burnt hot as my anger begins to shift

    Towards change with probable casualties

    Through idle eyes I stared
    Grew the silent protest I bared
    It seems as though fate is set
    Fit, as I try to forget

    These unchained thoughts and possibilities




    Submitted on 2004-10-21 18:09:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      oo.
    sticky situation.
    I actually really liked this write, because I can relate to it so much.
    Do you like this girl?
    Good luck with the whole situation.
    -Andrya
    | Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    28952

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Incubus written by monad
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Bond written by saartha
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    This written by Chelebel
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Push written by JanePlane
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry