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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Teadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Civilian
    ASL Info:    21/M/Australia
    Elite Ratio:    7.14 - 146/166/35
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1258
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 453



    Description:
       'Thank God for tea! What would the world do without tea? How did it exist? I am glad I was not born before tea.'
    Sydney Smith (1771-1845), English clergyman, essayist and journalist

    Although tea is doubtlessly worthy of an ode, please do not treat this poem as strictly literal verse.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTeadots
    -------------------------------------------


    Porcelain pouts, left empty and
    forgotten by the one who yearned her so.
    Once effervescent, the water
    smoulders, sulking at his neglect
    and craving heaven's cordial drop.

    Listlessly, life drifts from
    liquid as it simmers into
    tepid nothingness. Returning
    to find the porcelain empty
    and the water cold, She
    smiles indifferently and boils
    the old kettle once more.




    Submitted on 2004-10-22 05:12:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hi!
    *Looks down at HaAtzmah's comment* Talk about stating the bloody obvious, eh? I knew all that just by looking at your profile page. Like that Wilde comment, by the way :)

    This has the makings of being brilliant. I like poetry about simple or unusual subjects because it means it's unlikely that someone else has written a similar piece.

    The only thing letting the poem down is the fact that you've made it a bit of a diary entry with the background characters. "The one who yearned her so"... I don't see the significance of this line to the poem. It leaves me unsure whether "He" yearned for the tea, bestowing femine traits upon that other kind of amber nectar (had to throw that in, with you being an Ozzie :P), or if it is the "She" mentioned further on. Either way, it's not clear. You can clean this up in a single, simple step. Capitalise "her", to fit in keeping with the "She", and everything ties up.

    "Heaven's cordial drop" is abstract; you don't elaborate on this in order to inform your reader what exactly HCD is. Tea does not come direct from heaven, so therefore this must be some kind of poetic rendering, which is fine, great and good, IF you explain it somehow in the body of the poem.

    I like this. You wrought a fine poem from a very under-rated subject... it's eloquent and yet succinctly so. Well done, and welcome to Eliteskills :)
    | Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is cute...as tho' one is okay, that one might have forgotten to turn on the heat, to heat the water for the tea.., Yet, another is okay with that, cause no one is perfect...Very smoothe and ease of a read...
    | Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by Vibrant | [ Reply to This ]
      Welcome to Elite Skills!
    I have a remarkable skill for telling things about people by the way they write.

    I'me guessing you're male, probably quite young, but thoughtful and very intelligent.
    Next post and I'll try and guess your name!
    Good write. (people on this site always say that). I bet it sounds weird. It sounded so stupid to me at first as well.
    | Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by HaAtzmah | [ Reply to This ]


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