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Deal With It


Author: selfbetrayal
ASL Info:    19/F/NA
Elite Ratio:    8 - 212 /76 /10
Words: 105
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 2050
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 673



Description:


It's another fairly old one of mine, but I quite like it. I don't think it's that cliché. Thanks.


Deal With It



Deal with the pain put the sharp objects down.
Away from the pain in your misery you'll drown.
Hide in your tears, show noone you cry.
Hide from the world, alone you shall die.
Block the world out noone cares how you feel.
Time's running out - your end's drawing near.
Put on that fake smile we all know so well.
Lie in your happiness though it causes you hell.
Keep on trying harder 'cause your best's not enough.
Cry all you want - everyone's life is rough.
Your sadness is bugging me, your emotions are old,
Stop begging for love...my hearts growing cold.




Submitted on 2004-03-08 12:36:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I have been in this place several time. The cliché "Someone somewhere has it worse" never helps when you feel like this but later it does if even a little bit. I love this piece the flow really turned me on to it to begin with and the lack of true structure makes the fact that it does show emotion so well all the more intrigueing.


Sage
| Posted on 2007-01-24 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
  It's also a very good poem, but what I didn't like is the fact that you use full stops almost after every verse, I would have used commas. the reason being is that the poem flows so well that you don't want to breake the reader's spead. and the one line connects with the next, sometimes direct sonmetimes not but it all forms a 'story', and another thing, use more (...) so that the reader can see that there is more going on than what you have written. this way you get a reader to think more.
| Posted on 2006-02-24 00:00:00 | by Ant | [ Reply to This ]
  "Cliche"; I hate that word!
To write well is to connect with the reader, if it takes a well worn phrase to accomplish that, what is so wrong with that?
Your message is loud and clear, perhaps to loud for some, so they offer change.
I'd leave this as the bold statement it is, GROW UP is the message I've taken from this.
And my dear you have revealed a vast growth in not only writing but the feelings brought to life here.
An old favorite from past days, maybe, but relevent to today. That makes your poem that much more special.
Great writing!
Later
| Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, I didn't realise there were so many comments... I'll probably repeat what other people have said, but perhaps I shall contribute something worthwhile...

Firstly, it's one stanza, it's this big bulk of a thing, this could work to your advantage, or disadvantage depending on the person reading it, to me, it felt... well, for the lack of a better word, bulky, perhaps cutting it into multiple stanzas, with a few additional lines to top it up might help...
But on another read, it sort of gave a feeling of urgency, so maybe it's not that bad...
The actual meaning is whizzing past me, and only the title is making me vaguely aware what the poem is about. This could be from the fact that I'm in an unstable state of mind, or that it's not structured in an organised sense.
As I have said to a few people, "Find your own style and stick with it!"
How it applies here: Listen to stuff you like (from what I've said) and discount anything you don't like.
| Posted on 2004-06-07 00:00:00 | by runedot | [ Reply to This ]
  good write, but the rhyming seems a bit forced, its not cliché, its very true at times, good job!
| Posted on 2004-04-03 00:00:00 | by gigglygirl | [ Reply to This ]
  Yes! Great write. This pretty much describes the general teen poetry people; depressed shy people wondering why, yearning for love, running from guilt, and desperate for acceptance.
"Time's running out - your end's drawing near.
Put on that fake smile we all know so well."
These lines are strongly cliché and could use a little revision. The first line is just too very common phrases. The second is a very very very common theme is the mask. Search "mask poetry" on the google. The fake smile, lying pysical depictions, masked emotions... Also try not to use 'we all know so will' to establish it as being know. Indirectly state it. Add some rhetoric. Similes, metaphors, puns, or even stereotype who you're talking too. I can relate to the frustrations. It's a 'deal with it' retort after trying so hard to help and understand.
| Posted on 2004-03-31 00:00:00 | by Webmaster | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice flow with unforced couplets..please correct your spelling of no one (two words). Other that very nice lyrics.
jan
| Posted on 2004-03-08 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice flow and rhythm... nice 'tough love' message, which is carried well through your imagery and word choices... keep it up
| Posted on 2004-03-08 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]
  i like this one, it flowed well and had good rhyme and word choices. all in all, good job.
| Posted on 2004-03-08 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]


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