Description: I wrote this after studying Blake in school, hence it rejects city/industrial values.
City Psalm -------------------------------------------
Effervescent against urban shadows
Street lights hypnotise the unwary eye.
Like countless neon crypts, they shine forth in
The eerie splendour the city exudes.
Claret bursts forth, pervading the darkness
Before night returns to claim her realm.
Guarding the gates of a temple lie hounds
Acting as one to savage those who threaten
The vales of fire therein; spewing forth gods
Who will spread crimson where there is darkness.
Forests of crypts flicker in neon yearning:
Pulsing, gasping, always returning.
i like the image/idea of streetlights being crypts... theres a power in that that i just cannot explain. i quite liked this write... it is quite different from most i have written tonight... good stuff
Interesting imagery. I think that repeating crypts and neon in the second stroph weakens the effect they had in the first. The idea of hounds guarding the temple isn't too original, the poem might be stronger if you thought of another idea for that. First one I read of yours. I'll check out your other too. Good luck here, welcome to the site. Dave
The imagery was strong. The line about the dogs "acting as one" consider simplifying it or just rewording it; it doesn't flow well and the rest of this poem does. What kind of temple, this makes me curious? I enjoyed this poem nice use of wording.