Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: City Psalmdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Civilian
    ASL Info:    21/M/Australia
    Elite Ratio:    7.14 - 146/166/35
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 871
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 589



    Description:
       I wrote this after studying Blake in school, hence it rejects city/industrial values.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCity Psalmdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Effervescent against urban shadows
    Street lights hypnotise the unwary eye.
    Like countless neon crypts, they shine forth in
    The eerie splendour the city exudes.
    Claret bursts forth, pervading the darkness
    Before night returns to claim her realm.

    Guarding the gates of a temple lie hounds
    Acting as one to savage those who threaten
    The vales of fire therein; spewing forth gods
    Who will spread crimson where there is darkness.
    Forests of crypts flicker in neon yearning:
    Pulsing, gasping, always returning.




    Submitted on 2004-10-22 05:20:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like the image/idea of streetlights being crypts... theres a power in that that i just cannot explain. i quite liked this write... it is quite different from most i have written tonight... good stuff
    | Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      That is a nice idea...cities grow everyday and take over everything...I wish I could live someday in the country it is much more peacful...
    | Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by Beast | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting imagery. I think that repeating crypts and neon in the second stroph weakens the effect they had in the first. The idea of hounds guarding the temple isn't too original, the poem might be stronger if you thought of another idea for that. First one I read of yours. I'll check out your other too.
    Good luck here, welcome to the site.
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      The imagery was strong. The line about the dogs "acting as one" consider simplifying it or just rewording it; it doesn't flow well and the rest of this poem does. What kind of temple, this makes me curious? I enjoyed this poem nice use of wording.
    | Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    29040

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry