Tell me what you feel because I can’t take it no more
And I love you now more than I ever loved you before
I really don’t know if you can feel my pain
I lost you before and I’m not ready to lose you again
I waited for you for so many years
And my heart cried for you with no tears
Sometimes I call just to hear your voice
But I won’t accept being the second choice
If my heart can talk he’ll say “I want you more”
If my heart can talk he’ll say “I never felt like this before”
Tell me am I close to something real
Because your love is something that I can no longer conceal
Tell me should I leave or should I stay
Tell me should I keep fighting or should I walk away
There are only four words I want to hear from you
I want to hear you say “I love you too”
I pretend to be strong but with you I’m fragile
As you always break my defenses with your smile
I want to share with you something that’s true
Because heaven is what I feel when I’m with you
Come with me before it’s too late
You are the love of my life, you are my soul mate
| This piece was definately inspired by a deep connection and an honest emotion. The rhyme the flow, the meter it all works together harmoniously. I could hear your song. It is beautiful. I'm not one for the soppy sh!t, but this I could really connect with.|
I like that you meshed this all together. Deliberately or coincidence?? Lemme explain. When one is in love, the love can be felt by those around you, it can be seen in you. Hope this makes sense. It's like love binds and you are different towards other people. You unknowingly reach out to them, thus bringing you closer. This does not only refer to the one that you love, but other people in your life. This togetherness that love brings, suites the work as it is written.
I could relate. Thanks for your song.
|| Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by K | [ Reply to This ] || You and I are so alike... our writing styles differ though... but our thoughts are on the same page. I wrote "Soul Mates" to express how I felt too... to the lady I spoke of in my comment in your featured poem. Is this work of yours to the same lady... the one you had so much grief with? I look forward to reading more of what you have to say about your love/s. Cheers!||| Posted on 2005-05-12 00:00:00 | by Isaac | [ Reply to This ] || I've read a few of your poems, and I've noticed common characteristics. You do a lot of rhyme, but it usually ends up seeming forced. Also, though there's good imagery, everything I've read seems to be rough. These poems have a lot of emotion, deep love, but it seems like despite your meticulousness in making rhyming couplets, you've left most of your thoughts raw, unedited. Since you have no problem with passion and images, I'd suggest worrying less about the rhyme-try free verse-and worry more about cleaning things up and the flow of your pieces.||| Posted on 2005-02-04 00:00:00 | by dreamexandra | [ Reply to This ] || such beautiful words. this is so heartfelt. i can scarcely understand, this sadly. i wish i did. slowly these types of feeling are being shown to me. but sometimes i fear that it may be to late.but this was so full of longing, of want for the one you love. i can only try to imagine how this must have felt. nice yone||| Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by butterfly wings | [ Reply to This ] || This poem is why the cynic still exists in all of us. If not, we would be hopelessly brainwashed into sighing and cooing at the raw emotions shown here. Instead, thank God, it sickens many and makes almost anyone roll their eyes. The thing is, there has to be something beyond the|
'I love you so much
You're my only crush'
school of poetry- it really should encompass far more and say it in an original way. This is the sort of poem that was in fashion 500 years ago but has been seen as antiquated ever since.
|| Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by Civilian | [ Reply to This ] || Well, this is full emotions, pehaps too much for my taste.. |
Anyway, I think that the rhyme is a little bit forced...you try so hard..although the choice of words is quite good.
You might wanna consider revising it...especially the fifth line ( for...for)...just a thought...
|| Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by Beast | [ Reply to This ] || oh! that is the cutest picture...|
ok in the first line where it says no more it should say any more-
and instead of if my heart can talk he'll say-you should put "if my heart could talk he'd say"-
i didnt really find anything else wrong with it. it was really sweet and these are just my suggestions...you dont have to take them at all cuz its still good it just needs a few things...good.
|| Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by sweet-fire | [ Reply to This ] || True love is alive and well in Egypt! Excellent flow of emotions and lyrics. So I didn't echo the above distaste of the write. OH WELL! I myself found this to be a good write. it was real and from the heart, and hell if that isn't good enough then what is? Why should we have to change our writings to please others, when we write from our own minds and souls? Sorry for the rant there lol but I say ditch the above comments and keep the muses flowing! Brownsdelight ||| Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ] || it is really good in my oinion although there right a bit of forced ryheme iif u ask me i hope toread more form u in the future||| Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by Sean | [ Reply to This ] |