Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In This Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rob Orchard
    ASL Info:    22/m/Caleefornya
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 72/117/42
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 870
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1130



    Description:
       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn This Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dreams flutter as butterflies in this world
    and imagination is the essence of reality
    cocooned thoughts hang from branches of mossy trees
    waiting to break free
    to become something of beauty
    and yearning to be discovered
    leaves never fall in this world
    they remain suspended in the wind
    trees never stop growing
    and grass only gets greener with time
    dew becomes encrusted diamonds on the flowers
    clouds change colors and animals speak freely
    forests groan as the wind gallops throughout the treetops
    old castles stand tall yet crumble slowly to the earth
    kings sleep in their tombs as forgotten leaders
    giants stride the emerald hills
    to the snowy mountains that glisten in the sun
    dwarves collect acorns and fill their pipes
    designing patterns of exhaled smoke
    villages of man speckle the land
    where men are simple and appreciate beauty
    that has taken the form of their world
    where dreams flutter as butterlfies
    and imagination is the essence of reality





    Submitted on 2004-10-22 13:47:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Exactly, never stop dreaming...and you'll never stop living, dreams put the colors into our lives. I really enjoyed this poem, wonderful imagery.
    This is truly beautiful...
    "Dreams flutter as butterflies in this world
    and imagination is the essence of reality"
    | Posted on 2005-01-19 00:00:00 | by Dana | [ Reply to This ]
      Amazing talent in such a young man! This is by far the best write that I have read on this site. You paint such a vivid scene with your flowing words. what a wonderful muse! "leaves never fall in this world
    they remain suspended in the wind
    trees never stop growing
    and grass only gets greener with time
    dew becomes encrusted diamonds on the flowers" WOW! for lack of anything else to say.
    Brownsdelight
    | Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      This was also a great piece, to me this was better than Leaves in a River because this had more meaning behind it.

    One word of advise though, I would suggest you put some punctuation marks at some point during the poem because only you know how you want this to be read, and the use of punctuation marks will help slow, or speed up, the flow, and so you can tell the reader how you want this to be read.

    Just a general word of advise, but don't change your wording one little bit because what you write at the moment is very refreshing and enjoyable.
    | Posted on 2004-10-26 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      Other than punctuation, my only suggestion is to take out the two "in this world"s. That is the poem's title, and although in general there is nothing wrong with a title being in the poem, these phrases just don't seem to fit. I think it would flow better w/o them. Think on it. Later.
    | Posted on 2004-12-05 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      Other than punctuation, my only suggestion is to take out the two "in this world"s. That is the poem's title, and although in general there is nothing wrong with a title being in the poem, these phrases just don't seem to fit. I think it would flow better w/o them. Think on it. Later.
    | Posted on 2004-12-05 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    29077

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry