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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Erase 2dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: isaiahc4
    ASL Info:    26/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 120/198/62
    Words: 438
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 881
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2929



    Description:
       this is about the effects that doubts in a relationship can cause this covers a relationship that I have not been able to get over. but I'm getting ever closer!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsErase 2dots
    -------------------------------------------



    I tried to remember
    the things we once shared,
    but no memory is left to be found.
    I've finally successfully
    drank you away,
    your ghost is no longer around.

    There are but a few things
    that are now left, that time hasn't
    burried or burned.
    These things are the lessons,
    the unreplaced time, and the moral
    which still lies unlearned.

    Then there's the one thing,
    the ring that I gave.
    Which consisted of but
    colored glass.
    So perfect a gift
    I gave without knowing,
    symbolizing the time we won't last.

    See like the ring fading
    and covered in dust,
    so were we meant to fade.
    And so reviewing
    the stars we once shared,
    I've noticed
    they've all slipped away.

    The things we enjoyed then
    the fragile and strong,
    have decayed
    under time's watchfull eye.
    I thought nothing so sacred
    as once we had shared,
    could ever
    in life times slip by.

    There are still remarks
    that I wish to make
    about all the vows
    that were broken.
    See vows they are sacred
    and bind for all time,
    therefor none could be vows
    that were spoken.

    I once fealt you leaving,
    and affraid to let go
    I allowed you
    to finally sink in.
    the wounds you have left me
    once turned to scars
    which I've found
    growing older to mend.

    See I have been growing
    but you've stayed the same,
    and I don't wish
    to watch you digress.
    I'm older for living,
    you're younger with time,
    so I must do
    what I think is best.

    Once you were laughter,
    then sickness, then death,
    but that sickness
    in time has been healing.
    I've stayed to you truthful
    and faithful through time,
    without giving credit
    this feeling.

    My life it is seeming
    has been touch by time,
    and it won't allow
    to me chances.
    I've already waisted
    and commited my crime,
    by staying through
    shot down advances.

    The love I once felt,
    is held in the thoughts,
    the ones that I can't
    seem to find.
    So love it is fading,
    under time's eraser,
    and is no longer found
    in the days going by.

    I know what your thinking
    the question you ask,
    and I think
    you know my reply.
    The world's made me bitter
    and my only answer,
    is the same
    as your question of "why"?








    Submitted on 2004-10-22 20:03:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      well its been a while since ive read something of yours! lol. well i think this was a bit long, but i really liked how you out the fourth stanza!
    See like the ring fading
    and covered in dust,
    so were we meant to fade.
    And so reviewing
    the stars we once shared,
    I've noticed
    they've all slipped away.

    i dont know why but i just think it was just worded very nicely and flowed!
    well thats all for now!
    bren
    | Posted on 2004-11-20 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems to be a very emotional piece, heartfelt, close to you. I'm sure there are plenty who understand wihtout a doubt. Personally, i think the way you organized it takes away slightly from the piece. Have an almost complete thought on one line, then two words on the next, it seems almsot random, and for a piece like that, random takes away from the emotion you're trying to share and get across to your readers. Still a good poem, your used o imagery in some lines are very good.
    | Posted on 2005-01-08 00:00:00 | by Mercy December | [ Reply to This ]
      o man I like this. you have a way with rhymes and writing.
    you almost as good as my late grandmother. which was a great poetess, or poet, whatever. the [censored] could write the hell outta some poetry.
    this is spendid.
    | Posted on 2004-10-22 00:00:00 | by max | [ Reply to This ]


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