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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Evil Twindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Zu
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 446/379/76
    Words: 319
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Dark
    Total Views: 1051
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2258



    Description:
       right now i'm feeling quite evil, you know with all the metal i'm listening to nowadays, but i always hated writing about evil things, it has to be evil but a deep kind of evil, thats what i want, there has to be some meaning in it, not just i'll kill you type. so this is what i came up with.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEvil Twindots
    -------------------------------------------


    Youíve been waiting
    Youíve been searching
    For the solitude so faraway.

    Youíve been seeing
    Youíve been watching
    Yourself morph into your evil twin.

    When the lights turn off
    You sit upright
    In the middle of the night
    Fearing what is to come
    If you fall down
    Deep in your sleep
    Because horrors await
    As chain reactions repeat
    Inside when you forget the outside.

    The angels of death
    Move around the world
    Silently in stealth
    In the night, in the dark
    You will seem to be
    Thinking only of your dream
    Because the change in you
    Will not appear before you
    Following the slipstream
    Locking you in the room.

    Want desires need
    Need begets greed
    Sow the seed
    And you shall reap
    Deep in your mind
    You will soon find
    What will it lead
    As your black deeds
    Stray behind
    The stalls of truth.

    Stealing your thoughts
    From your inside
    It is due to what
    You leave alone to rot
    Decaying your brain
    Seen as a boon in a parched place
    A smile on a gloomy face
    But inside it eats you
    Cause an idle mind is
    The devilís workshop.

    Want desires need
    Need begets greed
    Sow the seed
    And you shall reap
    Deep in your mind
    You will soon find
    What will it lead
    As your black deeds
    Stray behind
    The stalls of truth.

    Split personality
    When your mind goes numb
    Blind imagination
    Because of the invisible sun
    Dual character
    Donít wait for me, go run!

    Split open
    Forgotten when you dream
    When you see
    What youíre not supposed to
    Invoking the spirit within
    To come and rule your mind
    Itís your evil twin.

    Want desires need
    Need begets greed
    Sow the seed
    And you shall reap
    Deep in your mind
    You will soon find
    What will it lead
    As your black deeds
    Stray behind
    The stalls of truth.




    Submitted on 2004-10-23 01:36:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A rather longish piece of writing.
    But that is stating the obvious.
    I feel that the build up was rather sluggish.
    And as I am not a great fan of longer poems you may want to take my comments with a grain of salt so to speak. If a longer piece is not tight enough and not moving quickly enough you might tend to lose the readers [no matter how great the talent or rendition] it's because most of us live in a fast paced reality.
    One curious tidbit though is that each stanza can almost stand by themselves as individual short poems.... pleasantly surprising....
    | Posted on 2005-10-11 00:00:00 | by arkayye | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm. i liked it. nice too see dark words have some deep meanings. lovely. this doesnt really seeem lyrical too me. just regular poetry. throughout the entire pieice you only went back to the title twice. liked it. dont like metal so i wouldnt know how this would go into the music part.


    Split open
    Forgotten when you dream
    When you see
    What youíre not supposed to
    Invoking the spirit within
    To come and rule your mind
    Itís your evil twin.

    favorite stanza out of the whole thing. wraps up the whole piece too me. lovely.

    -soomie

    | Posted on 2005-04-01 00:00:00 | by poeticblindness | [ Reply to This ]
      Zu,
    This was pretty good, and I can see it set to metal. Be sure that the lines fit the tune. It looks like you jammed a few to make them work instead of using meter, but it can work with rock music sometimes, (ie...if line 6 in the 1st verse has 12 syllables/feet. then line 5 svesr 2 should be the same.)
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      When I first started reading this I thought it would be just another mediocre attempt, but when I finished it I think it's great...I think it's a little lengthy but that is propably because it is a lyric not a poem. Your choice of words is quite cmmendable too. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by Beast | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good, I was going to comment on the lenght, but it is good. Since it is lyrics, i guess it is supposed to be a little long. Im glad you decided to write about the dark things in life, sometimes, those are the best! ;) I would have to say that the lenght of the verses in the 3rd and 4th stanzas work, but not wth the rest of it. The rest seems to be shorter, and come out quicker. well that may just be me. This is a good piece. Nice work.

    Kera
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by Kera | [ Reply to This ]
      Funny you should ask me to read this because I remember reading it before but for some bizarre reason didn't comment, sorry! Anyway, after a second read through I can say that these are some great metal lyrics, as per usual, and that I enjoyed reading them, there's not much else to add really, oh yeah, look for Nightmare, my next submission, coming soon to a page near you, lol. Rated 'R' for 'Retarded'.
    | Posted on 2004-10-29 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]


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