Our General, The Scarecrow -------------------------------------------
They stand in perfect lines
acres of straight-backed soldiers
hoping their thin, tan-coloured armour
will defend them
against their black-winged enemies,
but they are under armed:
they have no guns.
Their heads are stupidly exposed,
and their field general
is just a homemade clown.
I am actually amused! What a strange and unconventional way to portray the daily battles that take place at the corn field! I consider this a favourite, most definitely, and you certainly don't need to add any more to this.
P.S. Check out my March of the Metalwaker. I think you might see some parallels with this work of yours.
I say nay to those who want more from this piece. Less is more, and by some of the comments, you have sparked many thoughts in the readers with 43 words! If I had written this I would have said "foolishly exposed", because I like how it ties in with the homemade clown, but thats okay stupidly is good too. Mostly I love the many paralells,( parallels?) between the corn feild and the field of battle. I have never thought of that and have driven by innumerable corn fields in my life. very nice.
An interesting take on a corn field. This time of year the green fatigues have been swapped out for kahkis, compliments of a few hard frosts. What the black winged pilferers don't take, the deer will! Hey, I'd watch what pic you put up with a poem about a scare crow! Dave
I agree with the other two. With a little Elaboration, it will be a great poem. It's a wonderful start. I'll be happy to read it again when you have fixed it...it you are going to that is. anyway. great job
this is cute and sad at the same time. i can see the rows of scarecrows in the field, hopelessly exposed to those damn crows. i love scarecrows! in fact, Tracy and i make one every year around this time. i love the last two lines! they are homemade clowns, basically, aren't they? this needs no elaboration at all!
well, well, you always teach me new words. first time I read it I didn't get it cause I didn't know what a scarecrow is. but for what do I have two, very fat dictionaries (I had to buy a second one for university, that's stupid but anyway...)??? your imagery is great. so vivid.
Very good details in this write. I don't think you need to elaborate in this. I got it. And I sort-of linked it to politics? Am I right? I won't say my views on this but all in all this is a very good write. -blt
Hey! I like this, very good, nice imagery, consistent throughout and an artful use of metaphor. The only thing that didn't work well for me was the word "underarmed". I don't like that, it's too... bulky? Kinda, I reckon you could find another word to use for that. I was thinking of exposed til I came to the next line :P
I like the way it ends, and the clown... it all works well for me.
Very cool way to look at scarecrows...they are "homemade clowns"...you know, I don't know if it was intended...but with "Tan-colored armor" made me think of soldiers in the desert with their tan fatigues. I kind of drew a parallel with "underarmed" and our soldier's inept ability to fight a futile war. I may be reaching, but with all the death over there, I have a hard time separating images that spark into my head from things I read. I enjoyed this on a number of levels. Good!