[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: What Do I Do?dots

    Author: PaulLuvsGod
    Elite Ratio:    3.46 - 27/40/22
    Words: 219
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1150
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1178

       This poem is about something I've been thinking about lately and how I don't want to make the same mistakes again. Also there is the name of a friend of mine that is hidden in the poem and whom has caused me to think about this.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat Do I Do?dots

    I donít know what to do
    I donít know if it is true
    I know what has happened before.
    Last time it felt like I walked into a door
    I spoke my mind and then hit the floor
    I couldnít keep holding in my thoughts.

    That is over now and donít want to makes the same mistakes this time
    I donít want to do something stupid that breaks me down again
    It seems like a matter of time before it happens, before I canít escape it
    I donít want to be wrong again, I want the right rhyme with the right one
    I tell myself I canít do without it, but can I really? Do I lie to myself?
    Sometimes I have doubt if itíll ever come to pass who could feel that way about me?

    Just a friend that has been sent to me from God?
    or the greatest Godsend Iíve been given?
    Every time it seems that Iíve found the potential one, Iíve been wrong,/
    will it be the same again or different this time?
    No matter the case I hope it doesnít cause the hurt that lasted so long last time/
    this time I will do the best I can to not let feelings cause the end of a great friendship.

    Submitted on 2004-10-23 13:00:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i don't know what you did, but it seems like you did something to hurt your friend. i've done that before. i'm sorta confused by your format; are the backslashes in the last stanza typos?? I had to re-read a particular line because it struck me as a grammatical error at first but then it hit me like a ton of bricks: "I want the right rhyme with the right one." i actually get that. you want the peices to go where they are supposed to. i really like this because it relates to my 8th grade year. oh, god how i never to do that mistake again. i said somethings to my friends that shouldnt have been said and it was a mess. but until the end of 9th grade, i continued with the lies. it took a friend to snap me out of the routine mistakes. i really like how you referred to your friend as more than a gift from God, but a Godsend. there is a difference. i like this piece. good work!! you're going in my faves. :)
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by winged_writer_robyn | [ Reply to This ]
      i try to get the point you get across...that you've done something before to a "sepcial someone" and you attmept to get the love you want from others, but each time, you feel you've done something to hurt them. i've done htis plenty of times also, so i get the eomtional feelings, but it could use more imagery! and i dont kno, are you talking about just a friend or something more? i love the first two lines of the stanza though, its well, poetic is what i want to say but that's a bit redundant, dont you think? =-P lol but overall, its a great piece. ...and the introduction is also beautiful!
    ~!~catie o daniels
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by Catie O Daniels | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]