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    dots Submission Name: An ode to youdots

    Author: Josh
    ASL Info:    17/nh
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 276/226/30
    Words: 204
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1437
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1368


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAn ode to youdots

    On the eve of a new day
    the wind stands still.

    Her beautiful eyes look to the sky
    her shadow lingers in the sun,
    no longer able to withhold from
    the untamed imagination.

    Her image is burned
    and forever ingraved
    Her hand in mine, and ours together.

    Thoughtful thoughts, and
    the day itself dreams
    itself never to end
    Her warm hand sweetly touches my neck
    and we embrace.

    The guided redundance, the routine of life
    is what i wish.
    On which rock i sit, on each trail i wander
    i wander to you.

    Calm me, warm hearted
    hopeful outstretched hands.

    Hallowed sky above, the moon gazes in delight.
    grass below, as we lay entwined,
    sing songs of you and I.

    Talk of the not, and speak only the smile.
    Beauty in simpilicity, how intricate my emotion weaves.

    The crimes of thought are abound
    and although no word was uttered
    I found a part of myself in you.

    Each to each other,
    Be ourselves, each others better parts.
    together be deliciously united.

    I resign myself to the influences
    of experience.
    An ode to the intoxication of love
    I shall live.

    Submitted on 2004-10-23 16:50:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this was beautiful. How can any one be so rude to a true artist as you.jk But I loved this. especialy your word choice and were you took it.
    Truly loved it.
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Lachesis | [ Reply to This ]
      well, I like it! it's beautiful in it's expression and imagry, but i don't see any ryhme or rythmn... but that's ok, not all has to ryhme! ttul!
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this and it is very descriptive but i also find that it is a little disjointed.. Given a bit more work it would be great:


    Perhaps you could re-think certain lines...ie.

    Thoughtful thoughts

    Branches of a day, limbed for the night
    Branches under, as we lay intwined.

    Each to each other,
    and to each other be our better parts
    be together united
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      Very sweet, simple and lovely. By the end, it even started to remind me of wedding vows. This is a wonderful expression of love.
    | Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by ber | [ Reply to This ]
      Good poem, I liked it as a whole specially the part saying "The crimes of thought are abound
    and although no word was uttered
    I found a part of myself in you", good job and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
      this was beautiful. this was a very good piece of poetry. it is full of images and emotions. i really enjoyed it a lot. good writing and keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2004-10-27 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]

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