Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: An ode to youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Josh
    ASL Info:    17/nh
    Elite Ratio:    5.61 - 276/226/30
    Words: 204
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1359
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1368



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAn ode to youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    On the eve of a new day
    the wind stands still.

    Her beautiful eyes look to the sky
    her shadow lingers in the sun,
    no longer able to withhold from
    the untamed imagination.

    Her image is burned
    and forever ingraved
    Her hand in mine, and ours together.

    Thoughtful thoughts, and
    the day itself dreams
    itself never to end
    Her warm hand sweetly touches my neck
    and we embrace.

    The guided redundance, the routine of life
    is what i wish.
    On which rock i sit, on each trail i wander
    i wander to you.

    Calm me, warm hearted
    hopeful outstretched hands.

    Hallowed sky above, the moon gazes in delight.
    grass below, as we lay entwined,
    sing songs of you and I.

    Talk of the not, and speak only the smile.
    Beauty in simpilicity, how intricate my emotion weaves.

    The crimes of thought are abound
    and although no word was uttered
    I found a part of myself in you.

    Each to each other,
    Be ourselves, each others better parts.
    together be deliciously united.

    I resign myself to the influences
    of experience.
    An ode to the intoxication of love
    I shall live.





    Submitted on 2004-10-23 16:50:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this was beautiful. How can any one be so rude to a true artist as you.jk But I loved this. especialy your word choice and were you took it.
    Truly loved it.
    Kacey
    | Posted on 2004-11-28 00:00:00 | by Lachesis | [ Reply to This ]
      well, I like it! it's beautiful in it's expression and imagry, but i don't see any ryhme or rythmn... but that's ok, not all has to ryhme! ttul!
    ~Amanda
    | Posted on 2004-12-01 00:00:00 | by AmandaLyn | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this and it is very descriptive but i also find that it is a little disjointed.. Given a bit more work it would be great:

    ingraved-engraved
    intwined-entwined

    Perhaps you could re-think certain lines...ie.

    Thoughtful thoughts

    Branches of a day, limbed for the night
    Branches under, as we lay intwined.

    Each to each other,
    and to each other be our better parts
    be together united
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      Very sweet, simple and lovely. By the end, it even started to remind me of wedding vows. This is a wonderful expression of love.
    | Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by ber | [ Reply to This ]
      Good poem, I liked it as a whole specially the part saying "The crimes of thought are abound
    and although no word was uttered
    I found a part of myself in you", good job and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
      this was beautiful. this was a very good piece of poetry. it is full of images and emotions. i really enjoyed it a lot. good writing and keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2004-10-27 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    29219

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry