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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Kill Octoberdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brain
    ASL Info:    28/m/Miami FL
    Elite Ratio:    3.45 - 27/37/12
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 831
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1065



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKill Octoberdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Murder his chilly winds and his coloring leaves
    they are not as pretty as once seemed,
    rake not the fallen to the ground in heaps
    and play not inside the fun afternoons

    If, when on a day of adult peace,
    you decide to reminisce,
    do not remember the love your heart felt
    as you would leap into the leaves,
    when you were still young and crazy

    If, when, you ever decide to want to live again
    leave October behind this time,
    this is what you should undertake
    because now you know what heartache
    he holds and what destruction of love
    he leaves in his wake

    If, when, one day, you could ever find
    it within you,
    to release the notions of playful days
    lived out in your special, famous youth,
    then end the lives of the remaining October days
    so that you will then be free
    of them,
    for you do remember how they have left you--

    today |----- alone, and it hurts.





    Submitted on 2004-10-23 19:53:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It was the title that first really attracted me to the piece, it just rang of originality. I really enjoyed this poem. I didn't necessarily get the impression that any particular thing happened to you in October, but it seemed like a fitting metaphor either way. This piece just made me feel desolate and nostalgic; it was something I think that everyone can relate to in some way or another, something lossed and missed, something that left you abandoned.
    I was especially fond of this:

    If, when, you ever decide to want to live again
    leave October behind this time,
    this is what you should undertake
    because now you know what heartache
    he holds and what destruction of love
    he leaves in his wake

    The whole thing was really very wonderful, definitely a favourires addition .

    =Emma=
    | Posted on 2005-05-04 00:00:00 | by Emma_closes | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it. The imagery is very good, especially in the first stanza. Seems like something happened to you this month that makes you hate October because it contains the circumstance...
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      It does seem to me like something happened to make you hate october...which happens to be my favorite month. Now I really liked this poem. It was very sad and emotional. As far as feedback goes I see no spelling or grammer problems here, so thums up dude.
    "Murder his chilly winds and his coloring leaves
    they are not as pretty as once seemed,
    rake not the falling to the ground in heaps
    and play not inside the fun afternoons"
    That is such a good/sad stanza. It seems to me like you lost someone very important to you in this month and for that I am sorry.
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by Cigarette Smoke | [ Reply to This ]
      mmm i kno imma not a rocket scientists but i think to me, u hate October but u hav yo reasonz it seemz lik. But anyway i love da poem, remindz me how sumtimez i feel wen it snowz. I love snow but then i hate it. It makes you wanna juz wizh dat ugh GO AWAY!, holla Brain
    | Posted on 2004-10-23 00:00:00 | by Fantasy_LilIvy | [ Reply to This ]


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