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A Gift

Author: Timmy S. Edgar
ASL Info:    38 male Melb, Australia
Elite Ratio:    2.6 - 263 /200 /71
Words: 165
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1896
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1002


something which was written shortly after meeting that someone special

A Gift

Walking swift, standing tall
You’re a gift from god, so beautiful
Cant you see were meant to be
You and me, can’t you see?

Can’t stress this anymore
As you make me feel, so free…
Important and real to the core
With your nature and sheer beauty

Can I ask you one question?
Please say you will, as
Into effect you’ll bring
My love’s happiness fill

See when I’m down and annoyed,
Upset and left to regret
One look into your eyes
Picks me up, as your full on deadset

You were designed for me my dove
Like wise as I, for your heart
Best be careful you might fall in love
That’s ok, as I think I did from the start

Back to my question, that is at hand
An answer from your lips, to my ears
Will you be mine and mine exclusively?
I’ll offer friendship and love, yet never tears

Submitted on 2004-03-08 21:36:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  i just love how there is so much love towards this person. you write with good form and i like it very much** look for more to read by you soon**
| Posted on 2004-12-13 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
  Your stuff is going to end up running together if you keep writing on the same topic... readers want variety... and as writers. we have a responsibility to feed it to them... would like to see more diverse styles from you... keep it up you have the talent
| Posted on 2004-03-09 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]
  that was supposed to be "show" the reader how strongly you "feel" sorry my typos are horrendous
| Posted on 2004-03-08 00:00:00 | by love gone wrong | [ Reply to This ]
  i think the thought is nice, but.....your rythmn was off almost the whole piece, you need to [pay attention to your syllables, help the flow a bit. also, try to use some imagery, "show" the reader how strongly you will. dont just tell them. it has potential, just needs some brushing up.
| Posted on 2004-03-08 00:00:00 | by love gone wrong | [ Reply to This ]
  This very pleasant and nice, but I wish you'd write something that's not about love. It just makes a writer seem one-dimensional when he writes about only one thing in one style. Sorry, that's just my opinion.
| Posted on 2004-03-08 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]

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