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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Giftdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Timmy S. Edgar
    ASL Info:    38 male Melb, Australia
    Elite Ratio:    2.6 - 263/200/71
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1183
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 984



    Description:
       something which was written shortly after meeting that someone special


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Giftdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Walking swift, standing tall
    You’re a gift from god, so beautiful
    Cant you see were meant to be
    You and me, can’t you see?

    Can’t stress this anymore
    As you make me feel, so free…
    Important and real to the core
    With your nature and sheer beauty

    Can I ask you one question?
    Please say you will, as
    Into effect you’ll bring
    My love’s happiness fill

    See when I’m down and annoyed,
    Upset and left to regret
    One look into your eyes
    Picks me up, as your full on deadset

    You were designed for me my dove
    Like wise as I, for your heart
    Best be careful you might fall in love
    That’s ok, as I think I did from the start

    Back to my question, that is at hand
    An answer from your lips, to my ears
    Will you be mine and mine exclusively?
    I’ll offer friendship and love, yet never tears




    Submitted on 2004-03-08 21:36:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      i just love how there is so much love towards this person. you write with good form and i like it very much** look for more to read by you soon**
    | Posted on 2004-12-13 00:00:00 | by _winky_ | [ Reply to This ]
      Your stuff is going to end up running together if you keep writing on the same topic... readers want variety... and as writers. we have a responsibility to feed it to them... would like to see more diverse styles from you... keep it up you have the talent
    | Posted on 2004-03-09 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]
      that was supposed to be "show" the reader how strongly you "feel" sorry my typos are horrendous
    | Posted on 2004-03-08 00:00:00 | by love gone wrong | [ Reply to This ]
      i think the thought is nice, but.....your rythmn was off almost the whole piece, you need to [pay attention to your syllables, help the flow a bit. also, try to use some imagery, "show" the reader how strongly you will. dont just tell them. it has potential, just needs some brushing up.
    | Posted on 2004-03-08 00:00:00 | by love gone wrong | [ Reply to This ]
      This very pleasant and nice, but I wish you'd write something that's not about love. It just makes a writer seem one-dimensional when he writes about only one thing in one style. Sorry, that's just my opinion.
    | Posted on 2004-03-08 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


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