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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Poetsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Epiphany
    ASL Info:    42/F/Universe
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 3342/2139/390
    Words: 42
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 729
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 287



    Description:
       Have writer's block just playing around to try to get something meaningful to present itself. Love, Peace, Joy!!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPoetsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The world we know
    a walk of time
    Death tell knoll
    more reason than rhyme

    Find within the poet's soul
    sages's wisdom passed down
    like nomadic dogs at the moon we howl
    In modern society our words they drown





    Submitted on 2004-10-24 14:08:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm feeling your style. I love poems that I have to read three or four times to understand. I think that you wrote it as you felt it and I do that a lot to. Like my friend always tells me, sometimes I'm just to deep for some to understand.
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by The Black Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this, the meaning was kind of obscure and I had to read over it a few times before figuring it out. I think I understand it, just that the world is run by people who put reason in front of something that comes natural, but through poetry we are able to escapre the 'average persons' life?
    I dont know. Would you mind telling me what it meant?
    good work though I liked it
    -Andrya
    | Posted on 2004-10-24 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      The two parts are like differant poems, the first part feels a bit forced while the second part feels truly original and great. I'd delete the first part and let those few words of the second part have the entire spotlight. You've twisted words in a unique way and they sit just right in your head and out loud... Beautiful...
    | Posted on 2004-10-24 00:00:00 | by ParaGridD | [ Reply to This ]
      Writers block ehh? You emerged with a strong theme
    and it works. I would omit the word "like" before nomadic dogs, it doesn't need to be there, I think , either for flow or clarity. I try to avoid "like" in metaphor anytime I can. Also, "modern society" expresses the idea just right but its crammed with regard to rhythm, "The modern world our words they drown" is an idea. But those are pretty minute details, hope you don't mind my saying.I'd say that changes like these would be in the fourth or fifth editing, so you take what you like.It's a good write. nansofast
    | Posted on 2004-10-30 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]


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