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    dots Submission Name: Fallen Angels Silouhettedots

    Author: darkness child
    ASL Info:    21/F/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.07 - 195/266/48
    Words: 180
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 885
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1343

       I'm trying to find differant ways for me to write. tell me what you think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFallen Angels Silouhettedots

    Pink and gold light the sky,
    Reflecting off the clouds,
    Soaring high, never coming down,
    She will be seen.

    A dark contrast against gold sky,
    Her blackened wings a silouhette.
    A frown.
    A tear.
    Lonely even in afterlife.

    Refused from heaven,
    Rejected from hell.
    She cries to herself-
    "Don't let them see me
    They'll hate me
    Just as I do."

    She lives in the darkness,
    But now caught in the light,
    In the golden dusk.
    People on the ground point to the sky.
    She can hear them screaming.

    "Don't look at her!
    We hate her!
    Just like she hates herself.
    Don't talk to her!
    The monster!
    Look at her black wings."

    She can hear them.
    She's losing herself.
    Her wings seem nonexistent.
    She falls to the ground.

    They're coming to hurt her,
    She can see they're demonic faces.
    They hate her.
    They'll hurt her.
    Why can't she rest?

    Running away forever.
    Nothing will ever be right.
    Trying to hide her emotions.
    Alone forever, even in afterlife.

    Submitted on 2004-10-24 15:46:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i like it this way better than b4, u did a good job.great write.
    thanks for ur comment on cast of ignorance, by the way.its part of the trilogy,the time of darkness, and naked souls
    much love koolspirit
    | Posted on 2004-11-04 00:00:00 | by bilal anaim | [ Reply to This ]
      simple but excellent, i can actually see what you are describing, it was great and in some ways i can really relate to what you are saying. nice job
    | Posted on 2004-10-24 00:00:00 | by Lost My Love 4ever | [ Reply to This ]
      I would have to agree with the previous post... something doesnt sound quite right... Perhaps just 'Sadly she will be seen' would sound better but its your call :)
    | Posted on 2004-10-24 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      I'd say I agree with the previous two comments (which I do, totally just contradicted myself) but I like to find my own thing about it and be unique. The lines:

    Her blackened wings a silouhette
    A frown
    A tear
    Lonely even in afterlife

    Painted a very sad picture of someone infinitly alone. Could relate to many different people. Good job.
    | Posted on 2004-10-24 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree.. this is much better.. it has become a very powerful piece.. well done..and thanks for letting me know to take another look
    | Posted on 2004-10-24 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh wow. You made it even better! totally awesome! *smattering of applause* this is so cool! i really love what you did with it!
    | Posted on 2004-10-24 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      hm...I like it. It's very sad, and kind of...hm, well my style of poetry. I love the imagery. I can actually picture it. There is a song called "Fallen Angel" (I don't know who is the singer), but it made me think of that song. I agree with commments of everybody else. You've done a great job. *sigh*
    | Posted on 2004-10-27 00:00:00 | by Olianna | [ Reply to This ]

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