Description: so i finally broke it up into stanzas, please let me know if it sounds good this way... and what i can do to improve it....oh yeah... "alor" is a word me and my boyfriend used instead of love...
I like what your trying to get across, but your making it hard for me. I had to read through twice to figure out what you were saying. Maybe I'm just slow. Anyway, I thought your poem was okay.
i really like the way you repeated "disappointments", made it more effective, and i like that it's such a visual poem, people can picture themselves in the same position. good work i like it lot.
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! I love it! You've done a beautiful wonderful magnificent job! I absolutely ADORE poems that are broken up into uneven stanzas and aren't just your standard poem, but have a little bit of unorthodoxness in them, and you've definitely done so. . . it's not completely immersed in unorthodoxness, but touched on the side and smeared on the top with it. . . just how I wish I could write. My favorite part was the fourth stanza, about how you sorta expect to have to fight, but then the person just "winks", and you know it's over. . . very interesting, I don't know why that held to me so much but there it is. Awesome write! -Secret
Submission Name: sensitivity (revised)
