Shits and Giggles by kair

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Submission Name: Shits and Giggles dots

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Author:	kair
ASL Info:	18/f/Can
Elite Ratio:	2.77 - 44/61/11
Words:	105

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	288
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	566

Description:

Shits and Giggles dots

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and this is my pain
and this is my reason
and this is the fine cage I have prepared for myself
swallowed the key, so desperately, but now I feel it burning
feel it twisting, feel it turning
welcome to my pain

and this is my home
welcome to being alone
and this is the ball and chain I drag for shits and giggles
swallowed the key, compulsively, but now I feel it burning
feel it twisting, feel it turning
welcome to my home
I hope you feel alone

Submitted on 2004-10-24 23:32:22 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Since you give no description of your intent in the poem I would entitle the poen"Alone"
I'd begin : This the cage I have prepared for my pain
The reason for swalloed key
I feel it burning,twisting inside.
Welcome to my pain

This is my home to being alone
Shackled to ball and chain
Since swallowing its key
Its burning twisting,turning.
Welcome to my home.
Hope you're feeling lonely too.

Just a suggestion.

I liked the jest of the poem: lonliness gathers a tribe unto itself.
| Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by realpoet | [ Reply to This ]
  I remember this one! it's not "apparently" very kair... it's got the subliminal "Fack you all" kair touch to it, but there isn't the "why didn't I think of that, biatch stole my idea and put it on paper" touch!... I guess variety is good? It just sucks for everyone else who can't write good poetry in any style, when you have so many mastered...
| Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by B Adams | [ Reply to This ]
  I love this one. It flows really well ( cliché, I know). At first, I didn't really know about the last line, but I don't think it really takes away from the peice. It just works...Good job.
| Posted on 2004-10-27 00:00:00 | by Abby Sinthetic | [ Reply to This ]
  Whoa!

okay i love this, your style. I really think this would make a good song. It is very musical to me. This piece is a bit bizarre, which I like. I think the title works well with the piece. And although this is a song of despair in my opinion, oddly enough I still see hope in it. nice work.
| Posted on 2004-11-01 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]

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