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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the boydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: besodemuerte
    ASL Info:    31/f/pa
    Elite Ratio:    5.83 - 242/253/27
    Words: 114
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1377
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 712



    Description:
       total cheese-core... i know.. not usually my style.. just trying it out... i'm trying to get this stanza thing down... so please let me know if it sounds spaced right...and just your overall opinion...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe boydots
    -------------------------------------------


    So there's this boy I love
    a thousand miles away.
    I wonder what he's thinking
    as the sun comes up.

    Does he see my face
    in his closed eyes?
    Or hear my voince in the wind?
    As the morning chill makes him long for me.

    So there's this boy I love.
    The sweet yet rugged cowboy.
    A smile that tamed the west.

    I could look in his eyes
    and be lost in the desert for years;
    -but only a moment has passed-

    So there's this boy I love.
    I peeked into his brain
    and I saw myself.

    Beautiful.
    The way he see's me.
    The way I see him.




    Submitted on 2004-10-25 10:43:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Beso, this was really nice. At first, I thought the "so, there's this boy I love" was kind of, well...yeah, cheesy, but you kept using it and it took on meaning all its own. It was very imaginative. I especially liked the two cowboy stanzas - a smile that tamed the west and looking into his eyes and seeing the desert for years - in just a moment.

    Very nicely done. mae
    | Posted on 2005-07-30 00:00:00 | by mae | [ Reply to This ]
      i think its cute how you kept using the line
    so there'sthis boy i love...it makes the write come off so sweet and innocent...like your having a conversation with a freind gushing over how wonderful he is...though you wrote this a while back reading your description...the stanzas seem fine though the last few lines...if it were me...i'd seperate them and let the thoughts stanad alone like

    beautiful...

    the way he sees me

    the way i see him

    or not just an idea...and it seems the stanzas with the repeated boy line your speaking outloud to someone and the stanzas inbetween are you thinking and wondering in your mind...i love that its great...purps
    | Posted on 2005-02-18 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the piece and its many different aspects of love and beauty that can be found. I thought the Stanzas were good.
    Love, Peace, Joy!!!
    | Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm...well the beginning doesnt sound like poem form but the rest is does. what i mean is at the beginning it just sounds like sentences not arent like poem like. sorry if i confused ya. but this overall is a good one!
    bren
    | Posted on 2004-10-26 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      Where are you?

    I havent talked to you for a long time and wish to talk to you once in the near future.

    This poem makes me sad though, not because it's a sad poem but because of the fact that it is so solemn and sentimental?

    I don't know.

    But oh well, send me a message and let me know if you got This and read It.

    Peace, please.

    Take care, Jon
    | Posted on 2005-10-22 00:00:00 | by Dr.Strangelove | [ Reply to This ]


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