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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I never thoughtdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: playcrackthesky
    ASL Info:    21/f/IA
    Elite Ratio:    4.46 - 463/457/88
    Words: 47
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Passion
    Total Views: 615
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 299



    Description:
       just the chorus of a song I wrote, it sounds great with the piano, I left out the rest, it being extremely personal. enjoy, tell me what you think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI never thoughtdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I never thought I'd tell you this
    all my hidden dreams
    are you and me.

    I never thought I'd see the day
    that all your tears were wiped away
    by someone new.

    I never thought
    I'd have to deal with
    you not loving me.




    Submitted on 2004-10-25 20:36:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      well.. it does seem vrey personal. but i'll tell you this, this packs a lot of punch. very simply put, very expressive and yes the last stanza seals it all. but i still think the first stanza is the best. i would like to read all of it though. but well, it is kind of personal, and if you want to keep it to yourself, its ok. but the choice of words also kind of suggests the amount you trusted the person "I never thought", or that you thought he loved you too.

    well thanks for sharing!

    Zu
    | Posted on 2005-07-30 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok very short and to the point. It sounds very personal. everyone has personal problems, so you don't have to feel like your alone. Well not problems but.. anyways I can't definately seeing someone sing it.. Definately a hit.,,

    Good Job
    stephanie
    | Posted on 2005-06-28 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
      Simple, and because of that I likei t. The last stanza seals it for me. Everyone, I think, can relate to this, becuase its no tburied in personally imporant details that no one else can hope to understand. Feelings like this IMO and best expressed simpily and honestly or they lose there impact and it all just turns trite

    Bravo
    | Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by aghori | [ Reply to This ]
      Thanks for sharing the lyrics. Yes the story does sound very personal, but those generally make the best songs, because others feel them too.
    jan
    | Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
      Very simple, concise and personal. Definately something anyone could relate to. It's understandable that you would be reluctent to post something personal, but that may have been what pulled this whole thing together. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by Voodoo_Lounge | [ Reply to This ]
      so sad... so beautiful... this is a very (for lack of a better word) pretty poem. It was so powerful, and so simplistic. It was almost like an extended haiku, if you will. I know you say you'd rather leave out the rest, but if you should ever decide to post the song in its entirety, I would love to see it.
    -drizzt
    | Posted on 2004-10-25 00:00:00 | by Drizzt | [ Reply to This ]
      I think its a pity that you didn't post the rest of this piece as it sounds very nice. With piano you say? Well, that sounds even nicer, and I would strongly suggest you post the rest, even if re-worded, because I can't get much of an impression from just three stanzas. Nice work so far though.

    -James
    | Posted on 2004-10-26 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      well judging by what you have written here i can sure see why you decided against posting the rest of the song though id very very love to see them... i believe you when you say it sounds good with the piano... kinda a brooke fraser crossed with that other girl who i cant right think of... vanessa someone maybe... or not... dunno... but yeah...
    this kinda thing takes a lot to admit... and the thing is you usually dont realise this is where its at until you see him with someone new and thats when something goes *SNAP* and your like damn! not necessarily in a jealous kinda way but just in a i wanna be the one kinda way but yeah... seriously good luck with everything gorgeous girl
    | Posted on 2004-10-31 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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