[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Sea songdots

    Author: Civilian
    ASL Info:    21/M/Australia
    Elite Ratio:    7.14 - 146/166/35
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1488
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 719

       This is a loosely sonnet-styled meditation on thought, life and dreams. If you bear this in mind the poem should make sense.
    Note: maelstrom is defined as
    1. A violent or turbulent situation
    2. A whirlpool of extraordinary size or violence.
    Neptune is the Roman god of water and the sea.
    Any comments are appreciated, particularly an improved title.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSea songdots

    Sable as sleep she drifted with the tide
    And away from the bay, out towards an
    Endless navy twilight. Darkness complete,
    She is carried through the night, an ebony
    Chip in an oil ocean. The rolling waves
    Bear her dusky frame like a sombre swan
    Atop the ethereal depths, gliding
    Ever onwards towards some place unknown.

    Dawn, and a gale spreads the flame through the sky:
    The sun's raw passion supplants the wooing of
    The waxed moon. Neptune smoulders, and tears the
    Sea's sinews. Drifting no more, she struggles,
    Fleeing the maelstrom's foaming jaws to think:
    This is eternity- I am on the brink.

    Submitted on 2004-10-26 03:53:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      woah... this is so dreamy... one kinda loses themself in it and i loved the end... im sure i could be her... on the edge of eternity... i love the sea... the way it fills you and empties you at the same time... this poem kinda does the same... i cant think of a title or anything either im sorry... awesome write though
    | Posted on 2004-10-26 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]