Uniform of Wounds -------------------------------------------
You wear your wounds
like a uniform,
for pain is part of your job,
and if you have no visible cuts or bruises,
you wear frowns and grimaces
enhanced by tears
that freeze upon your face
until you replace them
with ink stains on paper.
This is a poet's chance to heal, the description of a face grimaced and the tear frozen until another appears? I like the theme and how the title fits in. Seems like this a victim playing their role. I've written a similar line and have not read this author before. "Words are tears that poets do not wish to cry, glistening beads of life that water the spirit from the inside out." This is a good write, there's really nothing to change. nan
Why do the tears freeze upon the face? That doesn't make sense to me because you've not given any indication to something that could freeze them?
pain is part of the job.. what's the job? A poet? I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I don't like this poem because it feels like a bit of a pity party, really. It's very eloquent, as you always are, but I... think that I've had my fill of such woebegone poetry, for the moment.
I think it started off very well but it went down hill from the frozen tears, for me. I'd rather have seen the poem keep in with the theme of battle scars in grimaces. This poem bears your hallmark all over, but I don't think it's one of your best, but it's certainly not the worst either.
i cant work out what the job is... i like the uniform of wounds though... im sure i have one at the moment... ill have to remember not to put it on tomorrow though coz its completely over rated and takes up too much energy! anyways yeah... is the job you refer to some kind of writer...? thats my guess anyways...
not sure what you're trying to say here. agree w/ learah that the tear image kind of leaves me going 'huh?' [which isn't exactly hard to do, but...] i don't think it's a pity party, but i wonder if you need to clarify who you're portraying here. just mho. :-)
This is great... I get the image of frozen drops of tears that finally melt in the form of the writing 'ink stains on paper'... It makes me think of unwept tears on the verge of spilling out as words on paper. Perhaps I've got it all wrong but that's what I get from it. Hope you can sleep a little...
well, in all pain there's beauty. you just have to find it. but that's the hard thing. but for me it's easier to write about pain cause I don't like sugar-coating. and, I admit it, I'm somehow fascinated by pain and darkness. I like the tears idea how you described it in your description but if you hadn't said that I wouldn't like that image so much. cause I would have had something different in mind. maybe you could explain it differently?? but that's just a thought cause I know that's pretty hard. anyway really good poem.
some writers are so dense, this is a perfect example of why we write in the first place, to alleviate the pained soul, the teardrops are replaced by inkdrops, I got this from line 1 to the end, very nice job, keep'em guessing...Bob:)
this makes me think of that poem i wrote for you awhile ago, "blue of a sadness." i wish i'd never deleted it... this is sad and haunting, but reveals a picture to me of the "tortured artist." re: Learah's comment, pity parties are necessary once-in-awhile, i think. nothing wrong with putting it down on paper!
Hey, I don't know about that guy you were talking about but this is good. I always like you extended metaphor poems. :) They connect you to the main purpose the whole way through which is important. I like how you call the words on a paper "ink stains on paper", it's catchy. All in all great job. -blt
Thank you for this poem. I work with people who wear their pain constantly. you have captured without excess words just how it is. If only more of them could transfer the pain to pen and ink.
Cuddle...you look sleepy my dear...hehe but when aren't you...or should I say when do you sleep?...I like this one. Gave me the feeling of flowing with the grief.. like a tear. Awsome feeling from this one, you always give us a different way of looking at the same things. Kudos to you! End was the Best! kelly
Submission Name: Uniform of Wounds
