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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shadow Dancedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Siven7
    ASL Info:    20/M/Manitoba
    Elite Ratio:    6.5 - 113/82/17
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1478
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 946



    Description:
       Sorry for the wait, I finally have new material! I hope everyone has been having a good Fall and school is treating you al well!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShadow Dancedots
    -------------------------------------------


    How does one be without being?
    I want you to see me without seeing "me;"
    Know how I kiss without seeing
    My face;
    Touching my lips.

    You've already given to me
    Without giving anything:
    Pleasure,
    Empathy,
    A reassuring fear
    Of knowing I'm important;
    A reassuring fear of knowing you're important
    To me.

    See my movements
    Without seeing me,
    Like seeing only the shadow of my dance;
    How you move me across the floor,
    Without watching me move.
    You cannot see the smile you give me
    In my shadow,
    Or my frown,
    Both in my lips and in my eyes.

    How does one be without being?
    I want you to see me without seeing "me;"
    Your mind's eye meeting mine.
    We shadow dance together,
    Enraptured, being without being at all.




    Submitted on 2004-10-27 14:25:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow! i really like this one. do you mind if i add it to my favorites? i just thought i would. I love the way you put those words to use. not everyone can say ordinary every day spoken words and make them sound like a totally different beat. make them say what no one has every heard before. and just captivate your readers. that is what i feel that you did to me. bravo! i simply love it. good job. the way it was written...the format yea that was kind of confusing but hey! your style is your style.

    Once again. good job and keep it up. I look forward to reading more.

    Imagine A World Without Hate

    -SIerra
    | Posted on 2005-03-04 00:00:00 | by PookiezBookie | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed reading this, I loved the way that the shadow of the dance came into it and I agree that this is interesting to read also. There's not much else I can say really, I can't relate because I've never been instantly close to anyone and I can't really improve this at all. I congratulate you on a job well done.
    | Posted on 2004-10-27 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the title and how it fits into the theme. It's a nice opener to the piece. There is a longing here that I don't miss at all-it dances in the heart, heavy-footed. I like the language you've used, but was uncertain of the paradox in terms within these words:

    A reassuring fear
    Of knowing I'm important;
    A reassuring fear of knowing you're important

    I do understand what you mean, but it takes a while to compute. That's the only thing I had trouble with. It's nice to see you are with us and back at it again

    Nice Work,
    -Kristina
    | Posted on 2004-11-26 00:00:00 | by Kristina9178 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is bloody good.
    It's very straight and to the point in the words you chose. No metaphors, which makes a nice change. It's rather diary cos we never find out why you want them to see you, but all the same, I still enjoyed it.
    It was beautiful. Because it is just, it's soulful and it made me feel good to read this, and to "dance" with the lines. Sometimes, the rules can sod right off, eh?
    :)
    Lea
    | Posted on 2004-11-26 00:00:00 | by Learah | [ Reply to This ]


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    29690

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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