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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cry No Moredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: arkay
    ASL Info:    50+/m/Atl.Can
    Elite Ratio:    4.84 - 450/320/56
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 1334
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 614



    Description:
       I hope you can tell that the tale is not about me.
    :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCry No Moredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Cry No More

    Cry no more my sweet love.
    Cry no more for me.
    As surely as the day will come,
    This night was meant to fall.

    Silver shadows guiding
    Towards a brilliant light.
    Still my heart is aching
    Leaving you behind.

    Hold on! Hold on to my wisping hand
    And Iíll show you wondrous sights.
    New clarity surrounds me,
    Abounding pleasures to unfold.


    Cry no more my sweet babe.
    Cry no more for me.
    A silver candle Iíll hold high
    To lead you to my arms.





    Submitted on 2004-10-27 20:21:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      wow I really liked this one, it reminds me of someone I once knew... You wrote it so well, it's sure to appeal to many.
    "Hold on! Hold on to my wisping hand
    And Iíll show you wondrous sights."
    I like how this tells of lifting someone up, if only they won't let go.
    | Posted on 2004-11-10 00:00:00 | by rounin | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't care to much for this conventional style; not abad piece just personal preference. I like the use of internal ryhme however. Do you realize how clever this is? No one else will probably think this without reading this comment. I write a lot of word play so to mean it's obvious. The Night you mention could also be heard as knight when listening to the poem rather than reading it in which case the silver shadow guiding toward a brilliand light would be armor some dull some shiney. Brilliant. Peace
    | Posted on 2004-11-30 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the main idea of the poem, but the rhyme scheme was there, then it wasnt... I was looking for a pattern but I couldnt find one. I really liked some of the lines and how they came together, particularly the verse:
    Silver shadows guiding
    Towards a brilliant light.
    Still my heart is aching
    Leaving you behind.
    It almost(?) rhymed? Or it just flowed better in general. Anyways!
    Good work and good luck!
    -Andrya
    | Posted on 2004-12-04 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      Very very well written and that's for sure! The words are very well chosen and the idea is very well presented too, I really liked the finale "Cry no more my sweet babe.
    Cry no more for me.
    A silver candle Iíll hold high
    To lead you to my arms.", Beautiful.
    | Posted on 2004-10-27 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
      this was NICE...i enjoyed this one fully..the words flowed so well and it just made u want to keep reading and reading..wow - i liked this one ...thanks for the write
    | Posted on 2004-10-27 00:00:00 | by nicegurlintx | [ Reply to This ]
      very well written. the ending is wondeful. i liked the line, "as surely as the day will come, this night was meant to fall..." good stuff. you can feel the emotion in this.
    | Posted on 2004-10-27 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the repetition in the first and last stanza, the only critisizm that I would have is that it comes off a little singsongy to me, but that could just be because it makes me think of don't cry for me argentina lol
    | Posted on 2004-10-29 00:00:00 | by harley3k | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the repetition and the change

    "Cry no more my sweet love.
    Cry no more for me."

    "Cry no more my sweet babe.
    Cry no more for me."

    In the first and last stanza

    and the contrast i like the contrast play:
    As surely as the day will come,
    This night was meant to fall.
    "day and night" and "come and fall"
    2nd stanza: "shadows" and "light"

    Nice
    | Posted on 2004-11-01 00:00:00 | by bornx2000 | [ Reply to This ]


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