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    dots Submission Name: The Parkdots

    Author: Timmy S. Edgar
    ASL Info:    38 male Melb, Australia
    Elite Ratio:    2.6 - 263/200/71
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1298
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 460

       This is a poem that i wrote after going to the park with a friend and her little daughter

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Parkdots

    Swings are so much fun
    Something that we can do
    As I push, you reach delight
    That sweet feeling, inside of you

    At the park we can play
    Hot summer’s day, sky’s blue
    It feels so good, nature
    I look at you and it feels so true

    Frisbee Frisbee hee hee hee
    Backwards and forwards to you and me
    Soaring gently upon the breeze
    To see you smiling, sets my heart free

    Submitted on 2004-03-09 15:29:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is such a sweet sentiment. I know this wonderment myself. May you spend many happy days this way. The images and word choice made me feel like I was in a happy memory. Thank you for sharing.
    | Posted on 2015-04-30 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of being a kid. Playing frisbee and having picnics after playing on the swings. I think you did a good job showing us the park scene.
    | Posted on 2015-04-24 00:00:00 | by tomeliot | [ Reply to This ]
      This is the second poem that I read for you and it's longer than the first one (Good for us to judge).

    I really liked this one, I like those poems that descripe a certain peaceful situation! This one is well written and well presented too, the words chosen are so simple which is so convenient to the situation descriped, the flow is smooth and doesn't seem forced.

    I really liked the last stanza

    "Frisbee Frisbee hee hee hee
    Backwards and forwards to you and me
    Soaring gently upon the breeze
    To see you smiling, sets my heart free"

    Good poem, and keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-12-19 00:00:00 | by Yousef | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this, very simple little log of a good day in the park. What better way to spend some leisure time than with a child...it tends to wake up the one inside....Silver
    | Posted on 2004-03-09 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      very juvenile i like the simplicity and depth from objective plane to a subjective view..
    | Posted on 2004-03-09 00:00:00 | by Krucible | [ Reply to This ]
      Yay, you can write other things. This is wonderfully sweet.
    | Posted on 2004-03-09 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. It's sweet and innocent, and very good at protraying the image of child's innocence. Good job.

    ~ Niphredil
    | Posted on 2004-03-09 00:00:00 | by Niphredil | [ Reply to This ]
      nice imagery and thank you for the break from your normal stuff... a very warm welcome.. good use of imagery, and wording... keep it up
    | Posted on 2004-03-09 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]
      I also like this poem. Also the link that the little girls smile sets your heart free. When I read that line it struck me that that you mean that her purity and happiness cuts all your chains and shackles to the world.
    | Posted on 2004-03-09 00:00:00 | by Leala | [ Reply to This ]

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