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    dots Submission Name: Palm treedots

    Author: Vibrant
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 855/538/131
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 823
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 775


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    dotsPalm treedots

    What ever may be,
    may be,
    when it comes to me,
    one may see,
    how another
    could be
    in love
    with me.
    You asked me questions,
    of what might one think
    of me.
    He answered those questions,
    that waded upon the minds.
    Yet, still
    l do not know,
    what is to be.
    Wonder lives in me.
    Thoughts of what could be,
    feels tender and sweet.
    Therefore, even tho'
    time is time;
    it might bring forth a new hole,
    for a different kind of tree.
    Which the leaves would be
    covered with love to hold.
    Forever and ever,
    for you, and for me
    to be,
    floating into

    Submitted on 2004-10-28 06:42:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this is an enjoyable and sweet read. question: "He answered those questions,
    that waded upon the minds", is "waded" supposed to be "weighed", or is that intentional? it's definitely an interesting and disturbing image. i would suggest getting rid of some of your commas, they tend to break up the flow of your poem in what seem to be inappropriate places. overall good job.
    | Posted on 2005-01-19 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to say that this is the best love/longing poem I've read in a good while and I thoroughly enjoyed my 5 reads through!

    I liked how the rhyming was put together although it did make the flow a little clumsy and stuttery and the first time I read it, I had to read it aloud to get the right idea, but after I read it again, it didn't detract from the piece at all. This is some nice work.

    You take care as well...
    | Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]

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