Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Palm treedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Vibrant
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 855/538/131
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 807
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 775



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPalm treedots
    -------------------------------------------


    What ever may be,
    may be,
    Yet
    when it comes to me,
    one may see,
    how another
    could be
    in love
    with me.
    You asked me questions,
    of what might one think
    of me.
    He answered those questions,
    that waded upon the minds.
    Yet, still
    l do not know,
    what is to be.
    Wonder lives in me.
    Thoughts of what could be,
    feels tender and sweet.
    Therefore, even tho'
    time is time;
    it might bring forth a new hole,
    for a different kind of tree.
    Which the leaves would be
    covered with love to hold.
    Forever and ever,
    for you, and for me
    to be,
    together
    floating into
    eternity.




    Submitted on 2004-10-28 06:42:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      this is an enjoyable and sweet read. question: "He answered those questions,
    that waded upon the minds", is "waded" supposed to be "weighed", or is that intentional? it's definitely an interesting and disturbing image. i would suggest getting rid of some of your commas, they tend to break up the flow of your poem in what seem to be inappropriate places. overall good job.
    | Posted on 2005-01-19 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to say that this is the best love/longing poem I've read in a good while and I thoroughly enjoyed my 5 reads through!

    I liked how the rhyming was put together although it did make the flow a little clumsy and stuttery and the first time I read it, I had to read it aloud to get the right idea, but after I read it again, it didn't detract from the piece at all. This is some nice work.

    You take care as well...
    James
    | Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    29804

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Redemption written by poetotoe
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The World written by jjd
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Carry written by saartha
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Shi written by ShyOne
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    prison written by ShyOne
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry