[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Palm treedots

    Author: Vibrant
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 855/538/131
    Words: 109
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 791
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 775


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPalm treedots

    What ever may be,
    may be,
    when it comes to me,
    one may see,
    how another
    could be
    in love
    with me.
    You asked me questions,
    of what might one think
    of me.
    He answered those questions,
    that waded upon the minds.
    Yet, still
    l do not know,
    what is to be.
    Wonder lives in me.
    Thoughts of what could be,
    feels tender and sweet.
    Therefore, even tho'
    time is time;
    it might bring forth a new hole,
    for a different kind of tree.
    Which the leaves would be
    covered with love to hold.
    Forever and ever,
    for you, and for me
    to be,
    floating into

    Submitted on 2004-10-28 06:42:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      this is an enjoyable and sweet read. question: "He answered those questions,
    that waded upon the minds", is "waded" supposed to be "weighed", or is that intentional? it's definitely an interesting and disturbing image. i would suggest getting rid of some of your commas, they tend to break up the flow of your poem in what seem to be inappropriate places. overall good job.
    | Posted on 2005-01-19 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to say that this is the best love/longing poem I've read in a good while and I thoroughly enjoyed my 5 reads through!

    I liked how the rhyming was put together although it did make the flow a little clumsy and stuttery and the first time I read it, I had to read it aloud to get the right idea, but after I read it again, it didn't detract from the piece at all. This is some nice work.

    You take care as well...
    | Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The World written by jjd
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Dream written by closetpoet
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]