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    dots Submission Name: thoughts of sleeping deadmandots

    Author: ariadne
    Elite Ratio:    4.11 - 99/85/26
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 938
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 969


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    dotsthoughts of sleeping deadmandots

    it makes more sense
    to be every damn cliché'
    and the only difference
    is that we have no other way to be

    there is a harliquin to my right
    he taunts the hell out of me
    I turn over, "not tonite"
    he'll never ever go away

    There's another in the deep
    banging on the pipes for fun
    he hates it when I sleep
    because that's when he's alone

    there's a crowd of identical faces
    roaming around the square
    random diffusion to other places
    occurs without notice or concern

    There's a kid in front of me
    Who sometimes freaks me out
    probably because no one else can see
    He is bleeding from his ears

    The world is not so consistant
    the surface tells so many lies
    but every time one gets insistant
    they lose courage at the last second

    Submitted on 2004-10-28 16:31:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      theres several glimpses you give that you know exactly how to get your point across in a poetic and magnificant way. your first stanzas, and your third are amazing, and your other stuff just doesnt quiet come up to par with these other lines. they seem to be irrelevant to these highly in depth lines, and your other ones seem to show your emotions too clearly. maybe by working on how you show these things in your writing, may help to make this poem grow. my opinion only
    | Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by Josh | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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