Virgin Suicide by Drizzt

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Submission Name: Virgin Suicide dots

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Author:	Drizzt
ASL Info:	18/M/CA
Elite Ratio:	4.25 - 141/154/32
Words:	108

Class/Type:	Misc/Depressed
Total Views:	425
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	658

Description:
Just a little something that literally came to me as I sat in front of the computer. The entire thing was thought up as I typed it in the submission box, there have been no paper-to-internet revisions. I say it sucks. I'm one of those people who has a hard time liking rhyming poetry, but hey, I just wrote it.

Virgin Suicide dots

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Murdering another to get your own way,
Killing yourself is much better, they say.
You can't be convicted, or even caught,
The worst they can do is leave your body to rot.

They give you a reason without any rhyme,
It's the same damn excuse every time.
"Someone caught you, you're guilty," they say,
And you go to jail for ten years and a day.

You cannot escape the vagaries of man,
Unless you give in to the gun in your hand.
But can you give in to the faith in your mind?
Will your god forgive you, or damn you for all time?

Submitted on 2004-10-28 17:28:34 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  suicide..touchy issue. It has me wonder about people take their own lives when there is so much to live for. I know life hands some folks crap, hell, it does that to me as well. it is kinda odd it against the law though, man's law anyway is what I focus on, who are they? I can't say for one not do something or else... it just trips me out to know that the folks come to the end of that rope. heck, life does get better no need to end it all over some BS? you know?
nice one,

~mike
| Posted on 2005-09-17 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  great piece...i loved it but i dont know why you think it sucks..pretty good for just being written on the computer with no paper revisions...very good keep up the good work

<3 adalae
| Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by lifeNsoul1224 | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this "suicide" poem a lot better than a lot of others. It really doesn't say "ooo poor me, I'm emo and I know it and Im to stuck up to ask for help". No, this work goes into different paths of death. Which is better than the rest of the emo stuf. Of course I could be way off in my obersavtion but good job anyways.
| Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by AFireInside01 | [ Reply to This ]
  I like it , it's fresh, it's nice to read some new stuff with out the same way of stating things being pounded into the brain. I think the rhyming works very well. The details of the thought and actions of suicide are present and I think are put in a most excellent way. I like the way you wove the confussion of suicide that alot of people ignore. THat we really don't know what is going to happen next. We think it is an excape, and it might be, but we really don't know, we could suffer more. I think i'll add this to my favorites list.
Great peice
kaity
| Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by Kaitylizzy | [ Reply to This ]
  i like this a lot. i'm not a huge fan of rhyming poetry, most of it is terrible and seems forced. but this all flowed together and made sense. even the message was great. good job
-steph
| Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
  Ahhh yes this poem is true and sad. People are crazy nowadays and they'd do anything, even if it ends all of it. most of my pieces are typed right into the submission box too, and seeing as this piece was wonderful I can tell that you dont need time to make an amazing piece!
--Kayla
| Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
  You dont need any time to think of things off the top of your head,yet its so wonderful. I can tell by this peice that you know from experience rather then most kids who grow up in the suburbs and say things that everyone else does to make people think 'oh poor me' you have experience thats awsome. keep wrighting
| Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by Lachesis | [ Reply to This ]
  there is alot of truth in what you wrote. it had a good rhythm to it. in the first line i would put "murdering one another..." instead of murdering another..." but that's just me and i could be wrong. either way it is a good peice. very deep and thought-provoking. keep writing.
| Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]
  i liked this poem. i DONT think you should change "murdering another" to "murdering one another" it changes it...murdering another means you are doing it..murdering one another means people doing it. i like the flow of it. i thought this was a great peice.
| Posted on 2004-10-31 00:00:00 | by _Joeysgirl_ | [ Reply to This ]
  I thought this was good. I dont how you remotely thought it sucked. but I guess we are our worst critics. I thought it was a very good peice. It had a nice flow/ rythme. I think I wan to add it to my favs.
| Posted on 2005-09-14 00:00:00 | by Drea | [ Reply to This ]
  okay just so everyone knows...im not going to change "murdering another" to "murdering one another" for the same reasons as those posted by Joeysgirl. I wanted the poem to feel personal rather than universal and "murdering another" is something indivduals do. "Murdering one another" is something groups of people do. 'nuff said.
-drizzt
| Posted on 2004-11-01 00:00:00 | by Drizzt | [ Reply to This ]
  I like your poem.. it does flow really well, i agree with maquiladora that you should have put mudering one another instead of mudering another.. just because of the meaning of another... other than that great write!

-Firebreed :D
| Posted on 2004-10-31 00:00:00 | by Firebreed | [ Reply to This ]

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