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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Burned into My Minddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 26
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 857
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 189



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBurned into My Minddots
    -------------------------------------------


    The form of you
    has evaporated from my memory
    leaving only your green eyes
    burned into my mind,
    sensual branding irons
    inflaming my being.





    Submitted on 2004-10-28 18:19:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was really vivid in its expression. I actually have those eys burned into my viosion right now. It says a lot with very few words. Speaks emotion without voicing them...wonderful Job.
    | Posted on 2004-11-16 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      this piece is full of very vivid images, almost shocking in their succinctness. nearly brutally blunt. i love it!
    i could only offer a suggestion along the lines of sandbergs earlier comment, on the contradiction between the image of burned into the mind vs evaporated; i think that if you were more specific about the form that evaporated it would help avoid confusion. kinda like 'your shape and form evaporated, leaving only your green eyes'...etc
    thanks for the great read!
    | Posted on 2004-11-15 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      short, but sweet. i would break up the lines a little to help the words linger a little longer. to make a stronger impact. and some punctuation could help. it is a good poem, though. touching. keep it up.
    | Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by maquiladora | [ Reply to This ]
      I love the imagery you give us in this. I wanted a little more but it's very good as is. I think it's interesting that you come up with such great metaphors. Great job.
    -blt
    | Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice pic, I see I'm not your only fan.
    (puh dum bump!)

    Succinct write, but I have a question.
    If the green eyes are burned into your subconscious, doesn't that oppose the metaphor of them as branding irons inflaming your skin? Unless your subconscious is in your skin. The two just seem at odds with each other. Sorry if I'm tipping the apple cart.
    Oh, hey, hi!
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      I keep trying to find something to say, but everyone has already said it. It had really good imagery. It was short, but sweet. I had to read it a few time's to get the full effect, though. It just went by so quickly.
    | Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is awsome. If you did write more to this it might take away its short but arresive attitude, but its what people want to hear. We all have a little part og us that wish we can forget some one or some thing, this fuels that.
    | Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by Lachesis | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked the imagery you used here and it;s so true sometimes you can only remember what was burned into your memory and tha t could be one of the worst feelings ever good job i liked it
    | Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by Lost My Love 4ever | [ Reply to This ]
      Its funny I know everyone is saying this but I'm amazed at how you can say so much is so little writing! Very cool!!
    | Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by Laveina | [ Reply to This ]
      i have a thing for green eyes... actually, mine are green, but i don't have a thing for me...! lol! anyway, eyes are such "windows to the soul," as they say. i can see how you can remember someone's eyes while the rest of their image fades from memory after awhile. and the "sensual branding" is a great line. i could feel it!
    | Posted on 2004-10-28 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...this was interesting from a standpoint of the visual being what inspires the sensual memories...for me, things are more tactile or audible...
    | Posted on 2004-10-29 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      it's the sweetest cool hiss from a steaming iron brand i've ever heard. how do you write so stabbingly on target with the minimal but most effective use of words? then again, keep it a secret; an artist revealed is like fluorescent lighting replacing candlelight. =] great piece.

    ~Blue
    | Posted on 2004-10-30 00:00:00 | by blueorchids | [ Reply to This ]
      you seem to like the word 'evaporate'. second or third time I read it in one of your poems. but it is a great image and really vivid. I love green eyes. don't know why. but I do.
    | Posted on 2004-10-30 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]


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