this piece is full of very vivid images, almost shocking in their succinctness. nearly brutally blunt. i love it! i could only offer a suggestion along the lines of sandbergs earlier comment, on the contradiction between the image of burned into the mind vs evaporated; i think that if you were more specific about the form that evaporated it would help avoid confusion. kinda like 'your shape and form evaporated, leaving only your green eyes'...etc thanks for the great read!
short, but sweet. i would break up the lines a little to help the words linger a little longer. to make a stronger impact. and some punctuation could help. it is a good poem, though. touching. keep it up.
Nice pic, I see I'm not your only fan. (puh dum bump!)
Succinct write, but I have a question. If the green eyes are burned into your subconscious, doesn't that oppose the metaphor of them as branding irons inflaming your skin? Unless your subconscious is in your skin. The two just seem at odds with each other. Sorry if I'm tipping the apple cart. Oh, hey, hi! Dave
I keep trying to find something to say, but everyone has already said it. It had really good imagery. It was short, but sweet. I had to read it a few time's to get the full effect, though. It just went by so quickly.
I think this is awsome. If you did write more to this it might take away its short but arresive attitude, but its what people want to hear. We all have a little part og us that wish we can forget some one or some thing, this fuels that.
i have a thing for green eyes... actually, mine are green, but i don't have a thing for me...! lol! anyway, eyes are such "windows to the soul," as they say. i can see how you can remember someone's eyes while the rest of their image fades from memory after awhile. and the "sensual branding" is a great line. i could feel it!
it's the sweetest cool hiss from a steaming iron brand i've ever heard. how do you write so stabbingly on target with the minimal but most effective use of words? then again, keep it a secret; an artist revealed is like fluorescent lighting replacing candlelight. =] great piece.