Description: - its something that just started to flow
- again scribbling
Thanks for:
The suggestions from "Alteredlife", to improve the flow and to stream line it more.
Would like to thank blue-monk as well, for the suggestion to remove the capital letters.
- after the first version, it got revised and after talking to alterdlife, have decided to put both versions on display - and would like to know, which one is better, the meaning in both is the same ...
Fades -------------------------------------------
Version 2 (haiku-like form ... credit to alteredlife)
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beauty fades
like a water-painting
in the rain
~open arms, let the colors run~
the meaning's lost
but the painter
will remain
Version 1 (First version slightly revised)
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Beauty fades
like a water-painting,
standing in the poring rain,
open arms, let the colors run
as pure as tainted pain,
the meaning is lost
but the painter
still remains.
I just love this piece. I can't say much more than what others have said, but I just wanted to let you know! I added it to my favorites. I definitely like the first version better, but the second version (haiku) works as well. Thanks!
I must tell you I like the second version better it had more of a flow to it.
Altough it was a short poem it held alot of meaning.
Well done I put it in my fav's
This is beautiful. Very touching, and I love the imagery of it. A lot is said in very few words. I like the second one better because I like the tainted pain line that is lost in the second version. Maybe something like this:
Beauty fades
like a water-painting;
standing in the poring rain-
open arms, let the colors run
as pure as tainted pain,
the meaning is lost
but the painter still remains.
Your poem made me so sad. What meaning is meaning if beauty fades? O how I wish a rose could turn into a bud again*, O how i wish ... What's the point? It's a fool's hope! Still, there is pleasure in savoring a lovely, flowing poem even if the heart cries a little unable to bear the truth of it all.
I loved this poem...simply amazing. I loved how you talked about the painting that was beautiful, but lost its color in the rain...funny thing is that the painter still remained...so in all essence, the beauty still remained.
you have no idea what this seriously mean?!?! beauty doesn't remain for eternity...it washes away like a painting. even though the painting is now ruined by the rain...or the beauty by the time...love still remains. the painter who painted the painting (wait a min. that's a lot of painting!) is still there because even though beauty is lost...but the love is still there! DON'T YOU GET IT? I LOVE THIS POEM...ADDING IT TO MY FAVE LIST!
Hello. This was a.m.a.zn.g I loved it. The fluid within your pen could be conceived magical! I'm sure that you, at least, know a little bit of what you wrote about here; or if not, you will learn soon. Beautiful, simply six lines...that is art.
I love this! Awesome write, very short but it worked. It's so perfectly worded and the examples are tremendous. The last line is my favorite for sure, great write. Take Care, -Tom
Submission Name: Fades
