First thing in
A thousand lonely years
First thing so interesting
As, in, post-mortem pre-within
Our lows and even lower
Than our worst sorrows
Like molten, gleaming mercury
Longing to feel the loneliness
With emptiness still
And who ever will
Try to understand
As a psychologist trying to mend
Strips of ripped yesterdays
Time will never see the light of day
| well first up... im allergic to psychodrama... prolly i shoulda given it more of a shot but it freaked the hell outta me!|
i liked this... the first stanza was awesome though it kinda had moments where i couldnt decide if it wanted to fit with the second stanza or not...
the images of filling emptiness with emptiness and time never seeing the light of day again... woah... awesome... i know the emptiness one well and i hate time... i wrote it a hate letter at once (coz it just takes time... just give it some time... yeah whatever) but yeah... im for seriously gonna have to come back and check more of your stuff out! ciao for now!
|| Posted on 2004-11-06 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ] || Ooooopps! What does this mean? Is this a revised work or a copy. If it revised you did a good job elimimating some stumbling blocks in structure. Loneliness is a very dark feeling that doesn't have to be. The first and best friend you have to find is yourself. |
A fine job in expressing your feelings. With a little more work on structure you will have a very good work.
|| Posted on 2004-10-29 00:00:00 | by arkay | [ Reply to This ] |