Grow Up by mmmb0p

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Submission Name: Grow Up dots

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Author:	mmmb0p
ASL Info:	19/F/KY
Elite Ratio:	3.08 - 36/50/11
Words:	182

Class/Type:	Poetry/Venting
Total Views:	248
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1136

Description:
This one's to my dad... obviously. He isn't really all that fond of my boyfriend... and he never really comes right out and says I hate him I don't want you with him... but it's there... you know? Bleh... whatever... I've wrote better... but oh well. ((Note: Apparently... this isn't a very good one. Let me just say that I was extremely pissed and bawling my eyes out when I wrote this... so if that's any justification as to why it sounds "childish"... well... there ya go. Too much emotion tends to throw my poems off a bit... lol. And yeah... I see exactly where you all mean. I'll try and redo this one maybe... when I get around to it.))

Grow Up

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Those cold eyes of disappointment
Look down on me with disgust
But I only want to be happy
Can you blame me?
You don't want to see me hurt
My face once again twisted in pain
The pain from a broken heart
But you never know till you try
Right?
Forgive and forget
Right?
That's what you always taught me, Daddy
Are you going to take it back now?
Let's not be hypocritical, shall we?
I wish...
For just a moment
You would take a step back
And look at things a bit clearer
From a different angle
... like mine, for example
I love him
But you don't seem to care
He makes me happy
But you don't seem to care
So oh well
I give up
I don't need you, or the way you're making me feel
Cause I love him
And no matter how much you don't like it
Nothing you could EVER say or do
Could change the person you've helped me to become
Or the fact that I love him like I do
... So grow up

Submitted on 2004-10-29 21:36:12 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  hey I'm back again... this poem is like exactly what I've tried to say about... you know who... it's like... all of the words seem to fit and this part
That's what you always taught me, Daddy
You gonna take it back now?
Let's not be hypocritical, shall we?
I wish...
For just a moment
You would take a step back
And look at things a bit clearer
From a different angle
... like mine, for example

is my absolute favorite... keep it up chica!
| Posted on 2004-11-05 00:00:00 | by xSweetestThingx | [ Reply to This ]
  I've found your message to be very true...our parents created us, molded us, and are powerless to change us once we reach the point in our lives where we start to reject what they teach us and take on our own understanding life. I've been in several situations in which my parents knew better than I, I knew they did, but forced myself to deny it, making myself believe that I had made a good decision, just to spite them, instead of once again abiding to their rule book and listening to thier "wise" advice. It usually takes someone else to make me realize my choices need to be changed, and then my parents feel a little bad because they were right, but I didn't listen. Anyway, maybe you should ask your Dad why he doesn't like this guy. Talk to him upfront. Maybe he's noticed something about him that you haven't. Or maybe he is the stereotypical boy-hater Dad that most girls think they have (thank God, my Dad's not like that).

The flow was choppy, and I agree with ariadne to a degree. This could be cleaned up a little. I really like some parts, like the question bits, but the grammer (gonna, wanna) could be cleaned up a little, because it sounds incredibly childish considering the message the piece is trying to send across to the reader. If you want to sound responsible to your Dad and others (like you are able to handle a relationship of that multitude), you should speak grammatically correct, so that they take you seriously. Also, curses reflect the immaturity of the writer, however, it is free expression, but if you ever wanted to show this to your Dad to explain to him how you feel, you might want to consider changing "f*** this" to some other concrete emotion that reflects how you feel instead of dismissing the situation all together.

I hope I have been too tough on you, but I'm just being honest. Take it or leave it. But if you do revise, let me know, because I would like how you improved it.
| Posted on 2004-11-03 00:00:00 | by eener | [ Reply to This ]
  dont take this the wrong way, but that was sooooo teen angst, which isn't a totally bad thing, but it's not very original. It doesn't flow. The words you used sound more like a conversation, or arguement, with a person than an actual peice of poetry that took time and thought. With content that isn't very original, you must make the writing style original. write these feelings, that everyone else has felt, and put it in a new way. In the last line you tell him to grow up, but the entire peice sounds like it was written by a relatively immature kid. try it again with a new spin, a ryhme scheme, a meter perhaps, because free form really doesn't compliment this. good effort and good sentiments, so present it a different way.
| Posted on 2004-10-29 00:00:00 | by ariadne | [ Reply to This ]

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